I came home from work tonight wrongfully thinking my husband might have dinner made. Why did I think this? Oh, maybe because during a phone conversation earlier today he asked me what I wanted him to make for dinner and because he was off work today. Not that I’m holding a grudge or anything. So no dinner. He did get a lot of other things done today though. He took Kacey to her orthodontist appointment at 3:30 and before that he updated the checkbook register. So, yeah. You can see he was a BUSY, BUSY man today.
I’m really not giving my husband a verbal bashing here. I’m just kidding. I know he worked hard today. I’m sure there was some work being done on the hunting boats. And that counts as a productive and valuable chore in my book. *Cough!* *Ahem!* *not!*
So, he was out mowing the area behind our back yard when I came home from work. It’s county property and the county should be mowing it, but they just don’t, so he does. And while he was at it, he mowed the area behind the neighbors on each side of us too! I bet the county just LOVES him!
So since there was no dinner and no husband to eat dinner with, I laid on the living room floor and listened to the kids talk about school. Kacey told George stories. I love George stories. George is in one of Kacey’s classes and she says he’s Egyptian, but I think that’s probably just her best guess. He’s very funny. And a little on the chubby side too, I hear. Actually… a LOT on the chubby side. Ok, she might have actually said he was “fat.” But she said it affectionately.
One day the teacher was trying to move the wheeled cart on which the overhead projector sits but the wheel was sticking on something and wouldn’t move. The teacher announced to no one in particular, “This cart won’t move. There’s something stuck underneath it.”
George offered, “Maybe it’s a wildebeest!”
I busted a gut when Kacey told me that!
Jake finds humor in different ways. He’s busy asserting his authority and busting kids who show up late for school and try to get a pass that says they are excused. One of the perks of being a senior and having plenty of credits is that you don’t need to have a class first hour and you can be an office runner instead. Being an office runner is fun and the office ladies spoil you. Plus, you get to bust the kids who overslept and try to say they had an appointment but have no note from a parent to prove it. He told me that a kid this morning kept trying to insist he should be excused but couldn’t produce a parent or a note. They went round and round and finally one of the office ladies, Mrs. Johnson stepped in and said, “Listen! No note, no pass! You’re getting marked as unexcused!”
Jake says that Mrs. Johnson later told him it really “pisses her off” when kids try to lie like that. I asked if she really used the words “pisses me off.”
“Yes. She really did.”
“Mrs. Johnson?” I asked.
“YES. Mrs. Johnson!”
“Mrs. Johson said ‘pisses me off?'” I asked. “Really?”
“YES! Mrs. Johson! Really!”
I don’t really think Mrs. Johson would say that, but hey. It IS a public school. I don’t know though. She goes to our church and seems very June Cleaverish. ENNNNY-way….
So, I heard about their school days and then we teased the cat and tried to get her to fight with us until she got fed up and ran away. I was hoping dinner might have miraculously appeared by this time, but would you believe? It did not! Our cupboards are nearly bare, as are the refrigerator and freezer! (And dear husband, this is not a valid excuse for not cooking dinner tonight!) Jake found some leftover Chinese food in the refrigerator and I found a couple of decent tomatoes in the garden, so Kacey and I had stuffed tomatoes, which are good, but not very filling!
Finally, after eating it was time to face facts. I would have to go to the grocery store. Let me just say, “I LOATHE GROCERY SHOPPING.”
If we could just not have to eat, that would be fine with me. Food is such a lot of work! Shopping is such a chore! In a store full of every food known to man, nothing ever looks good. I am not a good shopper. I don’t make a list. I just shop by memory, which doesn’t always work out in our favor, especially when it turns out we now have three bags of onions. If I’m lucky, I might have a few coupons. More often than not, the cashier feels sorry for me when I’m asked if I have any coupons and I reply that I don’t. They usually take pity and whip out the extras they keep hidden under the register and scan through a few discounts for me. They know I’m a pathetic shopper.
So, I thought my husband would grocery shop with me, because it’s been a really long time and this was going to be BIG grocery shopping and I was really going to need his grocery-bagging skills. But he finished mowing, came in, saw me clipping my measley few coupons and said, “Kacey, can you help your mom do the grocery shopping?”
NOOOOOOOOO! Kacey can’t bag groceries! Kacey is not helpful in the grocery store! Kacey stops to ask for everything that catches her eye! And just what exactly was he going to be doing that he couldn’t assist with buying the food that he doesn’t cook?
Mowing. More mowing. At my parents house. Geez, I can’t even be mad about that.
So, Kacey and I went to the grocery store and I was crabby about it. So I had to yell at the car in front of me with a license plate that said, “SASI.” I sneered at the back of that car, “You are not ‘sassy!'”
And Kacey said, “Are you sure that says ‘sassy?'”
And I said, “S-A-S-I. Sassy.”
And she said, “‘Stupid. And. Super. Ignorant.’ I don’t think it says ‘sassy.'”
Ha-ha. Ok. So I smiled. And then I laughed. And then we did the grocery shopping and it didn’t kill me. And I didn’t mow down the woman who blocked an entire aisle with her cart and her body only because she was pregnant. She’s a very lucky woman.
And now my children have some options for breakfast foods and I can bring my lunch to work again. So, I’m happy for a little while. Only until I have to do the grocery shopping again. And then I will probably pout and have a tantrum again.
Be glad you don’t live with me.