So mad I couldn’t sleep!

When I started to awaken today, I knew it was really early. I tried not to look at the clock but couldn’t help myself. It was 4:38 a.m. which wouldn’t have been a problem had I had to go to work this morning, but I didn’t. It’s my day off. I told myself I’d just go back to sleep, but my brain refused to shut off. I just could not stop thinking about something and in the broad scheme of things, I know I’ll probably look back on this one day and find it silly that it pissed me off this much, but not so much at the moment.

Long story short: Kacey was cut from the volleyball team.

Oh… but they offered to “let” her be the team manager. Yeah. Gee, thanks.

I know this is a fate that kids have suffered time and again. It’s one of those life lessons everyone has to learn and we all know it will make us stronger in the long run. But that didn’t help so much last night when I was at my bowling banquet, just waiting for a text message from my girl confirming she made the team and instead I got one telling me she didn’t. Do you know how much it hurts to know how passionate your kid is about something, to know that she’s really good at it, and then have to listen to her crying over the phone, because someone made her think she wasn’t good enough? I wished so much I could wrap her up in one of those mom hugs, but I wasn’t there for her. I might have been better prepared for this if I’d thought things could go either way on this, but it honestly never occurred to me that she wouldn’t make it. And right now, at this moment, it just sucks.

It sucks that she was led to believe she was entitled to a level of confidence about her chances.  It sucks that the wonderful varsity coach who led the team over the past many years decided to call it quits after last season. She saw talent in Kacey, gave her a little bit of the spotlight, and told her, in front of all the players and parents at last year’s end-of-season banquet that she expected big things from her this season. Kacey was a leader and she was good. She was a true team player. I’m not one to go around boasting about how good my kids are at their sports. In fact, I’m quite the opposite. I’m proud of them no matter what they do, but I’m also realistic and have never believed any of them were super-stars. But last season, so many others came to me, making it a point to mention how good they thought Kacey was. And it sucks that Kacey wasted her time attending open gym sessions and volleyball camps all summer long in preparation for this season while other players were conspicuously absent. Do you know who else was conspicuously absent from these events? The new coaches. This really pisses me off. They strongly encourage the players to attend all of this summer stuff, some of it at a cost to the parents, and then fail to show up to see what the girls can do? Did they really think they could get a true picture of all of the girls’ abilities over a three-day try-out?

What really ticks me off is who did make the team: A girl who had mono early in the summer and attended no open gym sessions or camps, another who failed to learn the rotations all last season and… I’m sorry, but… one who has a pretty serious weight problem. I just don’t get it. Except… those girls have parents who are pretty involved in the program and are regular volunteers wherever help is needed. I can’t help but wonder if that makes the difference. So now I have one more reason to feel guilt about having to work.

The logical side of me knows that Kacey was a late bloomer in this sport. Her talent really started to emerge last year when she was a high school junior. There were a handful of girls her age who had been playing varsity already for a couple of years. This year, those girls’ positions were pretty much already set. I think Kacey was sandwiched between the well-established players and the up-and-coming younger girls. There are only so many positions on a team and the coaches needed to make sure they had players who could be developed for the coming years. They didn’t want to load up the team with a bunch of seniors who would all be leaving after this season. I’ve seen this same thing happen before. Both of my boys have had similar experiences in soccer and football.

And so all this has happened and I’m so riled up about it that I couldn’t sleep this morning. But once again, my daughter has proven to me why I’m so proud of her no matter what. As much as she was hurting over this, when I came home from my banquet last night, I found her sitting in the living room with two of her good friends, contemplating whether she might now look for a job or…whether the three of them should volunteer to manage the boys’ soccer team. They giggled over that one, but I think they’re pretty serious. Hey, if you can’t play one of your favorite sports, why not spend your time hanging around a bunch of athletic boys instead?

And if I have to look at the bright side, I can now remember that Kacey has not only agreed to play fall softball, which begins this weekend, but was encouraged by the varsity softball coach at school to play on a winter team as well, in preparation for the school season this spring. (Silly me. Just a couple of months ago, I thought the softball days were coming to an end.) So it’s not like we’re not going to be busy anyway! I told Kacey she could also think about bowling with her old mom, but she brushed off that idea pretty quickly!

Well, at least I know she’s going to be okay and that is what’s really important.

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22 thoughts on “So mad I couldn’t sleep!

  1. Ooohhh Terri that stinks!!! From all your posts not only did Kacey enjoy volleyball but she was good too – and others agreed!

    I was glad to read that she’s already focusing on other opportunities with her friends rather than wallowing.

    You’ve raised an awesome daughter!

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  2. Boy that must really ruffle your feathers. Especially as we all followed her with you through this blog. Its a real shocker when something you are quite sure of just turns around and $#its on you.

    I went through the same with all 3 of my children. Between sports and theater, the right person was never chosen.

    But she’s a winner anyway. She’ll kick ass in softball. maybe a good thing, affords her more time for college prep. Hmmm.

    Well I’ll pout with you. Them ratzen kratzen sassafrassen coaches!!!!

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  3. Well first of all, I of all people, will never tell anyone that they shouldn’t be mad or that they shouldn’t feel hurt.

    I have been on all sides of this equation. I have been the athlete cut. I’ve been the parent of the child cut. And I have been the coach doing the cutting. No matter what role you’re in it is an imperfect process at best…at best.

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  4. My daughter experienced something very similar. Her VB coach not only told her she would be on the varsity team, but expected her to be the starting Libero. I got a tearful call when she was cut from the team. She was devastated. I think more so because the coach had lied to her. I was livid, she handled it with much more grace than I did.

    I’m sorry for Kacey’s disappointment, but sounds like she is dealing with it extremely well. Now she has more time to focus on her softball.

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  5. I don’t like to agree with De-I, but he’s right, it’s imperfect at best and tough on everyone. Sounds like you have a good grasp on the situation and Kacey is moving on. It’s temporarily awful, but it would be worse if she were dwelling on it.

    Watch out for those soccer boyz!!! That spells trouble!

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  6. Your daughter is a winner! After expressing her disappointment to you, she went past it to plan other activities. Good for her! She is resilient and has a good head on her shoulders.

    I know it sucks when you can’t be right there for them all the time. It’s hard to be a working mom and try to fit everything in. But, you are a terrific mom and that’s proven by what a great daughter you raised.

    I have a feeling that volleyball team and their coaches will be missing Kacey sooner rather than later. Not that they’ll admit it.

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  7. I totally feel you – when Travis didn’t make the cut for all-stars last year, I think it upset both of us, but I took it the hardest! Kids are very resilient, and thank goodness for that. So, when he didn’t make it again this year, we were all okay with it – I mean, who really wants to play baseball in Texas in the summer? It is only, oh, 104 in the shade!

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  8. That absolutely sucks beyond belief! I know it is not right but that’s the kind of crap that makes you so mad you want to go choke the coach. Sure, Kacey’s your kid and you might have a little bias, but she had the drive and motivation and potential that those idiots just didn’t see. This is one of those “situations” that many parents encounter as their kids grow up. Stephen was cut from soccer and was passed over in band, but he took those disappointments/rejections in stride (better than his dad) and moved on.

    Sorry for Kacey. She deserves better and I hope she does not let this minor set back keep her down.

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  9. Not the first time that politics showed its ugly face in stuff like school athletics. From what I’ve seen in your posts about her, I think your daughter is mature enough to get over it and shine in her other activities. It’s their loss, not hers.

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  10. It does hurt and it can and often also does make a person angry too when things like this happen. (Sometimes, I think I was pretty fortunate in that none of my kids were really interested in extra-curricular athletic stuff and therefore, never got involved to a point were they got hurt by being cut. Of course, there’s also the other side to that in that they never had to experience this and to some extent, I think we all need to experience a bit of that type of disappointment early to grow and be better able to accept the wins and losses life hands us adults then.)
    But in your instance with Kacey -yes it is very normal to be disappointed, hurt and even very angry too. And I also can see -as others before me pointed out too -that you and Kacey still have a great support system together and Kacey is a rebounder from the get-go too -and already planning ahead. She’s making lemonade I think out of the lemons that were just handed to her and kudos to her for doing that. Kudos too for your having been there and taught her the basics of picking up the pieces and moving forward. She -and you too -will all do fine now and in the future too because of this resilience you both have in you!

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  11. Hi Terri….sorry it’s been so long again. I am having a hard time keeping up with everyone. Forgive me. I have so much catching up to do with you. I see your blog has been revamped, too! Oy vey! I MUST get to reading.

    Sorry to hear about your daughter being cut from the team. I know she enjoyed it and cannot imagine how she is feeling. You are a great mother, though, and I know that between your strength and hers, she will get through it.

    Hugs and hope you are doing well. xo

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  12. What!!!! I am OUTRAGED. I am totally outraged for you and Kacey. This is terribly upsetting. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been to listen to her crying like that. I don’t understand why they cut her?

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  13. What??? I’ve seen the pictures and heard the stories you’ve told. I know she’s good! I’d be upset too. (AM upset, actually.) I’m sure she knows that she’s good enough to do anything she puts her mind to, though… even if those stupid coaches don’t.

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  14. That’s crazy!!! School politics suck. My high school basketball coach had a daughter that wasn’t very good at all and was very awkward, but she got a lot of playing time. Not a starter, but still played a lot. At least Kacey isn’t letting this hold her back. Good for her!

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  15. Ouch. Been there, so I sympathize completely. My daughter’s DREAM was to make the dance team and it took her three tries, which meant two years of heartbreak. Like you say, they seem to handle it better than we do sometimes. She’ll be OK and so will you … but it sure makes you wan to punch something.

    Bud aka Older Eyes

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  16. How disappointing! I’m so sorry to hear this. I SUPPOSE I can understand all the “logic” behind their decision but, naturally, it should’ve been somebody else’s kid to get the bump!

    Sounds like Kacey did a good job of dusting herself off. Good for her!

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  17. I really appreciate what you wrote and as a mother of 4 daughters I know what you’re going through – but – I have to say that my daughters faced many disappointments and most of the time they came through with grace and kindness. I especially appreciated reading Spencercourt’s comments.

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  18. Terri —

    It’s such a blessing to have children who care enough to compete and who are actually disappointed when they fail.

    You have to have tried before you can fail, and so many kids (and people in general) are so scared to fail, that they never really try to succeed.

    Here’s to trying and failing … and trying again.

    — Judson

    PS: the greatest thing about high school is that it is only a small fraction of your life and once you’re done with it, most of your failures and sadly, most of your successes as well will gradually fade away.

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