Life is Good – December 18, 2011

Everyone wishes their lives were all shiny and perfect. No one really has a life like that though. Not one hundred percent of the time.

Here in these pages, I can write whatever I like. I try to keep it upbeat. Probably makes it look like things are pretty darn nice around here. And they are, most of the time. I can’t complain. But we have our share of imperfections. Today was one of those days that heartily reminded us of our imperfections.

It’s funny how the people in a family can be very like one another, and in other ways, very different. Sometimes different equals difficult. Sometimes different means hard to understand. Come to think of it, sometimes our similarities make us butt heads! (As in we butt heads with each other, not we are butt-heads. Then again, maybe both are true!)

I try to be patient with what I don’t understand. I try to be open. I hope that my kids know they can rely on me, even if they don’t want to talk to me. As a mom, it’s hard when your kids don’t let you inside. But I hope they always know that I love them, even when I am unhappy with them.

When I feel closed out, I try to rise above it. I try to keep being a mother who is able to show her kids that she loves them, no matter what, no matter their successes or their failures, no matter their similarities or their differences. No matter how they feel about themselves or about the rest of their family members, I hope they always know that I love them. But I think I have the right to speak up when someone falls short of being respectful of others. I have the right to say so when someone doesn’t carry their weight around the house. And I think I have the right to say so without feeling disregarded.

Understandably, telling someone else that they are falling short isn’t going to be met with enthusiasm. I get that. But sometimes there are issues that just need to be addressed.

I lost my cool today. I’m not proud of myself when that happens. Sometimes it just can’t be helped. But me losing my cool resulted in others losing their cool. Big time. All I could think about was the fact that we are one week from Christmas and we were having ourselves a rip-roaring, three-way screaming match. Great. Just great. And it doesn’t feel good when you’ve let it all out that way. It just feels like failure. The silence and the walking on eggshells afterward is proof of that failure.

It’s my way to crawl inside my shell after something like this. I need to stay to myself for a while when I feel slammed this way. We’ll all sleep on it and we’ll test the waters with each other in the coming days and hopefully we’ll remember that we are a family with our own unique ups and downs and that when it’s all said and done, we love one another. I hope we can all remember that.

So yeah. Days like this suck. But days like this are bound to happen. And as hard as it is to admit it right now, this was just one day in the broad scheme of days. This is our life. Not all wonderful and perfect, but still … a pretty good life.

I’ll just be happy to put this one behind us.

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12 thoughts on “Life is Good – December 18, 2011

  1. I think the holidays bring out the worst (along with the best) in people. And people in families are at the top of the list. Give yourself a break. The amazing thing about life is that it keeps life-ing. Things change and we always have the ability to move forward. BTW, I’m writing to you from my Facebook account because WordPress will no longer allow me to comment on any blogs. I have no idea why. I found that out, AFTER commenting on lots of posts. Sigh.

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    • Thanks, Renee. Guess we all need to just learn a little something from today’s episode, huh?

      I had one commenter who was getting spammed by WordPress. I’ve not had any issues since realizing this was happening and approving her. I wonder if the same is happening to you?

      I’ve also noticed a lot of spam comments slipping past the spam filter lately. Definitely some weird things going on lately.

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  2. Thanks for sharing the less-than-lovely along with the wonderful that you usually share. Glad I’m not the only one. I think this means you all are human. Arguments are all too common this time of year. You all will be fine. Have a good week my friend.
    Hugs,
    Kathy

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  3. I agree with Renee, the holidays can bring out the best or worst in people. Given the high expectations and the build up to the Christmas, it’s a wonder we don’t go all Terminator on people, especially those closest to us. We are only human and the stress of the holidays gets to ALL OF US at times. Lest you begin to doubt yourself, I would like to point out that, in my humble opinion, you are a pretty damn good mom. I think you’ve earned the right to express your opinions openly and I really hope that things have settled down by now.

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  4. I can most definitely put myself in your shoes, Kiddo! WOW -that’s an understatement if ever there was one in my life, in my lifetime! The holidays do frequently raise our levels of tenseness and lower our patience levels at the same time so often, things that would normally just be a blip on the radar screen become like a nuclear attack. Yeah, tomorrow or maybe even a bit beyond that -take Teddy Roosevelt’s advice about “walking softly:” ya know! (Forget the carrying a big stick part for a while though!) You’ll all muddle through in the beginning and then, things will start to smooth out and who knows, maybe the stuff that was said (that perhaps needed to be said) will also take a little hold too and bring changes you may feel are needed too. Peace! And better days ahead.

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  5. I think we’ve all been there; I know I’ve had my share of “less than” glorious Mom moments.
    I’ve been snarpy, petty and resentful and they have, too.

    Thankfully, we can learn from our mistakes and learn how to move forward after a less than gracious moment.

    Kids/others watch us and learn from us at every turn; when we get it right there’s no applause but how we handle getting it wrong can speak volumes, too.

    I hope the issue is resolved soon and the tension can melt away.

    Honest post that will help many, Terri.
    MJ

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  6. I have always admired how well you get along with your family and how close you all seem to be – especially you and your daughter. I love my daughter tons, but we seem to butt heads a LOT, especially as she gets older and more independent, so to see you go through the same things, actually makes me feel better. So thanks! :) And I know you feel bad that this happened, especially around the holidays, but sometimes these situations can lead to stronger relationships…big hugs and heartfelt apologies (at least for the way things were handled), is how I normally try to make up. You are a fantastic Mom, Terri, and it’s okay not to be perfect. Thanks for the honesty. As MJ said, it’s a post that will help many of us Moms.

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  7. Terri, we ALL have imperfections! And being a mom can bring out the best and worst in us. It’s only because we care so much. I think the main thing is that our kids know we always love them even when we’re upset with them.

    As I write this, I”m looking over at the laundry basket that I angrily filled with crap left laying around for days… I will try to make the day not suck once my kids get out of bed!

    Oh, and yes, “butt head” can be either a noun or a verb – sometimes in the same sentence!

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  8. This happened with Wife and I last year – a real knockdown dragged out thing that I thought we had gone way beyond. But that’s the nature of family’s and relationships, they are always to be worked on.

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  9. I’m sure everything will be fine. Besides, families can’t be upset or mad on Christmas! It’s just not allowed! Maybe bake some warm and gooey chocolate chip cookies – surely that will help get everyone be back to normal again :) Cookies solve everything!

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  10. Everyone fights from time to time. It’s part of being a human being. If you kept it all inside, it would just be that much worse. You’ll all laugh at this a year down the road. Fighting is never fun for anyone, but I’m sure it won’t last long.

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