“Twin” Bowlers

Maybe because I’ve spent so much time worrying about my parents lately, Monday bowling league was an especially welcome break this week. Of course, I always enjoy Monday night bowling. It’s fun! It’s girls night! What’s not to love?

Our team loves the Who’s Up? team. They are a group of women who have been friends for a long, long time. Most of them are retired now and they come together every Monday for bowling and friendship. They are fun and funny and always seem to be laughing. They tell stories and make jokes and sometimes they dance a little bit. (I asked Carol to do the Mashed Potato one time and without missing a beat, she did!) We Ball Busters have a strong admiration for these ladies and the feeling seems to be very mutual. We always joke that if the league ever breaks up, our two teams would happily continue to show up every Monday anyway and just bowl against each other week after week.

A while ago, someone decided that each Ball Buster had a “twin sister” on Who’s Up?. We each relate to one of the ladies in some way. Joan claimed Carol as her twin. Alishea claimed Gloria, (probably because they’re each the youngster on their teams!) I claimed Marje, and she instantly welcomed me as her “sister.”

Last week we realized our teams would be bowling against each other. Someone decided we should dress alike and we each agreed to wear the same color as our twin. (This didn’t end up being as impressive in reality as was imagined, but it was fun anyway.) And so last night we bowled. We were, of course, the last ones done bowling, because there was so much talking and laughter and lollygagging. We beat ‘em two to one resulting in a tie for second place in the current standings. When it was all said and done, we commemorated the evening with a photo.

Bowling Buddies!

Bowling Buddies!

That’s Michelle and Sharon in pink, Joan and Carol in “pure-as-the-driven-snow” white, (Cough! Cough!) and Alishea and Gloria in red. I’m next to Marje in the back, wearing yellow and Pat and Lori wore black. Over the course of just a few years, seeing each other once a week, we’ve come to know a bit about each other’s lives and formed a special bond. These women are a big part of why I love to bowl so much.

Relaxing in Bayfield, Wisconsin

We’ve just returned from our tenth annual vacation to Bayfield, Wisconsin with Bill and Tammy, Dennis and Julie, and Dave and Julie.  Lake Superior looks the same, so beautifully intimidating, so majestic. The time away was nice.

As the years go by, we find ourselves reminiscing more about past years.

“What year did Dave’s tongue swell up after eating walleye,” someone will ask?

“Remember the year we rented mopeds and did a photo scavenger hunt on Madeline Island? How long ago was that?”

“When did we … tour the fish camp? … climb the lighthouse on Raspberry island? … go on the ghost tour in town? … start visiting all of the apple orchards?”

“How long ago was it that the boat engine quit and we had to get towed back to the marina by that family with the huge boat?”

We should have started writing these things down from the very beginning, but honestly, I don’t think any of us thought this would become an annual thing. We started out as mere acquaintances, our only common bond being Bill and Tammy. We’re not sure why they chose three couples from different circles of their friends to spend several days together on vacation with them, but we’re glad they did. It worked out so well the first year that we did it again a second year, and again and again. And now it’s been ten years that we’ve done this together. We are all very different people, but each year when we return to Bayfield, we have the best times!

Every year when we travel to the resort, the guys ride together in Bill’s truck and tow the big boat. The girls all ride together, behind the guys, keeping an eye on the boat and trailer. This year’s trip started off with a bang as we watched a trailer tire blow and fall to shreds on the road ahead of us. Bill managed to safely pull the trailer on to the shoulder and within twenty minutes, the guys had the tire changed and we were back on the road. Not long afterwards, we stopped at a small-town restaurant for lunch. We had the best burgers I can remember in a long while, with buns soaked in butter and then toasted. YUM! This is when Tammy pulled out a sheet of notebook paper and we started to jot down memories from years past.

Every year when we go on vacation, each of us has a partner for games and activities. My partner is always Dennis. Mark is always with Tammy. And then there’s Bill with Julie W, and Dave with Julie G. Dennis and I, both being somewhat the quiet type, have a quiet and respectful partnership. Dave and Julie G are the ones to watch. They poke fun at each other and make like they’re mad at one another. On our last night while playing cards, Dave was making fun of Julie’s allergies, mimicking her and inserting loud, obnoxious SNIFFS between words. She, in turn made fun of the way he held his cards. They kept at it, scowling and scoffing at one another until the rest of us were crying with laughter!

The weather this year was cooler than last year. The sky was overcast much of the time, and sweatshirts were necessary attire. But we got a little sun too. We made a trip out to Stockton Island, docked the boat and had lunch and walked the beach. Bill and Julie W braved the water and actually went for a swim despite the cold. Not me! No thanks!

We visited Madeline Island, as we do every year, and paid a visit to Tom’s Burned Down Cafe, as we always do. We shopped in town, where Mark and I bought “Bayfield” sweatshirts, as we always do. And we visited several apple orchards, one with a quaint little gift shop and a bakery that filled the place with the delicious aroma of warm apple donuts!

The mornings this year, though, were my favorite part of this trip. I tend to let up on my morning runs while I’m on vacation here, but am often joined by one or more of the girls for a good walk to start the day. This year, Mark, Tammy and Julie G felt the draw of the local casino each morning. And it was worth it. Mark won a couple hundred dollars one morning. Julie G won almost five hundred the next. And while they were busy gambling, Bill, Dennis and Dave were out in the boat, hoping to catch some fish. (They never did catch any this time around.)

With everyone else otherwise occupied, Julie W and I would take off for a walk. Last year, we discovered the The Brownstone Trail not far from the condos where we stay. It’s a beautiful trail that meanders through the trees along the shore of Lake Superior and it is filled with beautiful scenery. We stopped to marvel at the beautiful mansions and quaint country homes along the way. We paused where the trees opened up, finding ourselves speechless at the majesty of Lake Superior before us. We greeted friendly strangers along the way. An older couple, each walking a dog, stopped to wait as we approached. As we came upon them, the man nodded to his dog and said, “Friday wanted to say hello. Her name is Friday, as in TGIF, thank God it’s Friday.”

We paused to show Friday some love, and give some to her pal, Sophie as well, whose leash was held by the man’s wife. We continued along the path for several miles until we reached the town of Bayfield, and then turned around to go back. On the return trip, we again ran across the man and his wife.

“Hello again,” we said to them. The woman smiled and continued walking, but the man paused again, saying, ”Friday wanted to say hello. Her name is Friday, as in TGIF, thank God it’s Friday.”

Julie and I exchanged a quick glance, shrugged and smiled at the man again, and paused to pet Friday and tell her how pretty she was before we continued on our way.

Throughout our walks each day, Julie and I would talk. I don’t see Julie but a couple of times a year, but when we’re in Bayfield, we share a connection. A few years ago, we discovered that an uncle of hers was the brother of an uncle of mine. Her mom’s sister, Lois was married to Keith, whose brother, Ben was married to my mom’s sister, Elaine. Julie and I visited the same family farm when we were growing up, yet never knew each other. And maybe this is part of what connects us, but I think we felt a connection even before we knew we were sort of related. We’re able to talk to each other about so many things, like struggles we’ve faced with our kids and the importance of family and knowing our roots. I don’t mean to take anything from anyone else in the group. I laugh harder and relax more with these people than I do any other time of year. There’s just something about Julie W that really touches me. We’ve discovered a trust and an affection for one another that has come to the surface a bit more than that which I feel with anyone else in our Bayfield group. I cherish those walks we would take together, an hour and a half of time to really talk and learn more about one another. Those walks were the highlight of our trip this year and Julie told me she felt it as much as I did.

With all of our talk about trying to remember the events of each of our past vacations, I wanted to be sure to commit to writing all the things that made this another memorable trip. I’ve done just that since 2006 when I started blogging and as soon as I got home today, I looked back on all of our memories and jotted down what I remembered from those years, then sent it off by email to the group. Next, I need to gather all of my photo files from all of these years and fill in some of the gaps. Then we’ll remember the stories in so much more detail! So here is this year’s contribution to the collection:

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Move Away to College Day – Kacey’s Sophomore Year

And so begins Kacey’s life as a college sophomore. Over the past few days, she’s been busy making sure all of her laundry was done and all of her necessities were packed for life in a dorm room. Everything that could be was packed in the truck last night so that she could just hop in and go this morning. We were on the road by 7:00 a.m.

Kacey’s freshman year at UW Eau Claire was fine, but she quickly realized she hadn’t found the fit she was hoping for. By the end of first semester, she had completed her application for one of the University of Minnesota schools and shortly afterwards was accepted. Several close friends were already attending school there and several others were also busy applying for admission. I could tell already today that she is going to be very happy where she is.

She’s got good friends close by. Haley’s room is just two floors above. Andi, Kacey’s pal since Kindergarten, is her new roomie.

Besties!

And of course, Connor is across the hall, along with Alex, Matt and Zwick.

Where did Matt go?

The dorms are beautiful! The dorms at Eau Claire were many years old. I remember thinking they weren’t bad. After all, they were dorms. They weren’t supposed to be spacious and beautiful. But Kacey’s new dorm at her new school was built only four years ago. Her room is palatial in comparison to last year’s room!

Check out the high ceiling!

I was happy that Kacey and Andi let us moms help put the room together while the dads went off to relax in the study room. We girls had fun arranging and organizing and making the dorm room feel homey. And we laughed when we saw the girls’ bedding. They had unknowingly color coordinated their stuff.

Andi’s black bedding with teal accents and Kacey’s teal bedding with black accents

We also laughed when we poked our heads in the rooms across the hall. The boys definitely feel confident they can survive with fewer belongings than the girls.

At one point, Kacey joked that I wasn’t allowed to cry when it came time to say goodbye. I told her it had been a tough week and I was making no promises.

“Okay,” she said, understanding.

But when it came time to say goodbye, there were no tears. It was hard to feel sad when my little girl was clearly so happy. She’s surrounded by the best of friends and I know they’ll all take good care of each other. Before we left, I not only got hugs from Kacey, but from all of her friends as well. Some of them even said, “I love you,” as they hugged me. Could I ask for better people to be in my daughter’s life???

Time for the parents to go home

The Risk of Loving

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief -
But the pain of grief
Is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love.”

~ Hilary Stanton Zunin

Connor’s mom’s funeral was today. It was a tough one, but it was nice. Connor picked out all of the music for the service. He also went up in front of the congregation and did a reading. He did a beautiful job. I was so proud of him.

Yesterday, it was suggested to me that maybe I am too attached to Connor, considering he and Kacey are only nineteen years old. Who knows where life will take them, right? I know that the statement was only made out of concern for my feelings. If I get too attached and somewhere down the road, Kacey and Connor go their separate ways, I’ll be heartbroken. When the concern was expressed to me, I thought to myself, “It’s too late. I am definitely attached to Connor.”

But I’ve wondered since then if I should have been more cautious with my feelings. My kids are young. Their friends and love interests may come and go from their lives. If I let myself get attached to everyone, am I setting myself up for disappointment and heartache? I don’t know if I have it in me to hold back when I really like, really admire, really love someone who comes into our lives this way. But is it careless of me to let myself get too close to people who may or may not be here for the long haul? I wondered, if I had been more careful with my feelings, if I wouldn’t have felt such a heart-crushing sadness when I learned of Connor’s mom’s passing. Maybe it wasn’t my place to hurt so deeply for a young man and family who aren’t even my own.

I recently put the WordPress app on my iPhone. It allows me to get notifications when a new blog comment is received. Today, just after leaving the church, I felt a vibration from my purse. My phone was buzzing. It was a WordPress notification. I’d received a comment from my friend, Jeni Hill Ertmer in response to one of my recent reflections on Connor and his mom’s passing and the dark feelings I experienced as a result. Jeni’s words came to me just when I needed them most. She said,

The older we get and the more we realize fully that we -none of us -is immortal, I believe causes the passing of others -whether they be young or very old -to register and linger more with us. The unfairness we recognize in the loss of someone either very, very young -as in a child -or an adult just hitting their stride perhaps -is something to be reckoned with for sure and also normal to think if my mind, my heart is so clouded,so fogged up right now in bleak thoughts and sadness, what right does the old sun have to come down and shine its glorious rays upon me and those I care deeply about too? And yet, sometimes it is just in seeing that beautiful sunshine that helps to start the healing process as we still have to look around and see that, yes -life goes on. I think it forces that realization upon us as if to say I know this is painful but let me help you in just some small way. That Kacey, Connor and their closest friends will be respective roomies and also that their rooms will be across the hall will no doubt create a close circle to envelope Connor through the first days there and also, without his Mother too. Peace -to you and especially for him as he begins the process of going forward and truly standing on his own two feet then too.

Jeni’s words washed over me and put me at peace with the sadness I’ve been feeling. She brought me peace with my feelings for Connor too. And I realized, if I’m “too” attached to him, then so be it. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Connor loves my daughter. And Kacey loves Connor. And so I love Connor. He fits in with us right here, right now and that is good enough for me. Just like one of my own kids, when he is happy, it makes me happy. When he is hurting, I hurt. And when he needs a friend, support and love, I want him to know he can find those things in this house, with this family. There is no guarantee that anyone I love, anyone I care for is going to remain in my life indefinitely. I can’t hold back on loving anyone out of fear of losing them later. That’s no way to live. I may experience heartache somewhere down the road because I feel love. In fact, I think it’s a pretty good bet. I’ll take my chances.

Loungin’ at the Lake

We love our friends from the Saturday night bowling league. They are such generous, kind, welcoming and fun people! And we miss each other over the summer months when we don’t see one another so often. So it was decided there should be a “weekend.” This weekend was to take place at Paul and Megan’s family cabin, which is “up north.” (Everything more than an hour north of the Twin Cities is considered “up north.” The cabin is about two hours north, which makes for a good weekend get-a-way.)

There were five couples able to make it to “the weekend.” Three of them arrived Friday evening. I, being in desperate need of a change of scenery, really wanted to go on Friday, but Mark and I just couldn’t make it work. Word has it that the Friday night couples stayed up all night long. I’m not such a night owl. Maybe it was best that we got a good night’s sleep and arrived fresh and energized on Saturday morning.

We arrived in the late morning, just as the all-nighters were coming back to life. Jodi wasn’t looking so lively. She was sitting quietly in a lawn chair in her sweats and a sweatshirt, looking like she could use another few hours of sleep. The rest of them were dressed in their bathing suits and before I could set my purse down, there was a Bloody Mary in my hand. Mmmmm, it was good! I really must learn to make a good Bloody Mary. Before I finished my drink, I went inside to put my suit on too. Then we all convened around the picnic table and Bonnie insisted that everyone must have a tattoo. They were fake and glittery tattoos and everyone ended up with several. I was informed that no pictures were allowed during the weekend, but I managed to snap a few that no one could be opposed to being published here.

Mark never cooperates for pictures. Can you see his tattoo on his face? Can you find Dori’s tattoo?

After everyone was sufficiently tattooed, we piled onto the pontoon boat for a cruise around the lakes. We brought plenty of food and drink and the sun was gracious enough to shine for the majority of our cruise. The moon was spotted a time or two as well! ;-) We crossed paths with many other boaters, always asking the fishermen and women how many they caught. There were other boats full of families and friends out enjoying a fine day as well. We were a friendly bunch and shared many laughs with many other “lake people.”

After our boat cruise, it was back to the cabin for some yard games, more drinks and some music. Sorry, but I’ve been forbidden to post pictures of us dancing on the picnic table to ABBA’s Mamma Mia! Suffice it to say that everyone was feeling pretty good by this time. Can ya tell?

Pauly, feelin’ good!

Some of us prepared dinner while others played cards in the gazebo or played bean bags out in the yard. Then together we enjoyed a delicious meal of hot beef sandwiches, tortellini salad, sweet corn and an assortment of other side dishes. Afterwards, we were so full we could barely move. The guys congregated outside while the girls relaxed on the porch. Bonnie insisted on giving all of the girls a foot rub. And let me just say, I would pay good money to have one again!

Mike, enjoying a cigar!

Someone had made sure there was a good bonfire burning and after dark, we all circled around it, talking, telling jokes and stories, playing games and laughing until our stomach muscles ached. Somewhere near midnight, the all-nighters began to lose steam, which was fine with me. Being the early riser that I am, I don’t make a very good night owl.

I slept like a baby on what was described as “the marshmallow bed.” I guess the beds in your typical lake cabin don’t tend to be of the highest quality, but it made little difference to me. I was tired and didn’t get up the next morning until after nine o’clock. Sunday morning was overcast and cooler, but perfect for a leisurely breakfast and coffee out on the deck. We all lounged around until well after lunch time, leisurely packing up this and that and preparing to head home again. Everyone seemed reluctant to break up the party.

“We need more time,” they said.

“I wish we had an extra day,” they said.

“I have a hangover,” someone said.

“Can’t wait to do it again next year,” someone said.

Like all good things, it was over too soon. But I have a feeling the stories will live on for years to come.

And the world got a little smaller!

When I started writing a blog five years ago, I never would have guessed that the people who came by to read my stuff, the people whose stuff I’d make a routine of reading, would someday become people I would consider friends. I never imagined that. And furthermore, I never imagined I would meet these friends in person. But I have now actually had that privilege; several times. It is always an honor and always so fun to see my blog friends in person, to see live and in person those personality traits that are so easily displayed in their writing.

Friday, I had the pleasure of meeting Agg! He was in town for work but made time to squeeze in a visit with me. We made plans to go out for lunch at a place Agg was quite sure he’d read about on my blog, although I assured him it was not me who’d written a review. When he suggested we eat at The Nook, I was excited. I had seen a local news story on this little bar/restaurant a while ago. There had been a fire, and some ensuing renovations and then a grand reopening. It was while watching this news story that I learned this little corner place is locally famous for their burgers, the Juicy Nookie in particular! I made a note to self to go eat there sometime, but just hadn’t made it happen. Agg’s visit was the perfect excuse!

Agg arrived at my house in the late morning and let me just tell you, my very first impression was, “Holy cow, this man is TALL!”

I didn’t want to be rude though, and so I kept my thoughts to myself. (Agg, how tall are you anyway?) And just so you have some perspective, I am a tall woman at over 5′ 9″, so a person must be pretty tall to strike me as being very tall!

As Agg was getting out of his car, I came out to the driveway to greet him. You might think it would be awkward meeting in person when you’ve never done so before, but it wasn’t awkward at all! We hugged like old friends and then I hauled him inside to meet the members of the family who happened to be around. Brad and Heather were home for the weekend, and of course, Agg had to meet Lucy Pie and her pal, Dacotah! It was too early yet for lunch, so we had some coffee and swapped stories and Brad and Heather got to know Agg a little bit. And Agg is a great storyteller too. He swapped hunting tales with Brad and told us the stories of how his various dogs had come into his life. I hope someday that Agg will write on his blog the story of the dog who kept digging up  paving bricks and scattering them all over the yard! It is quite a comical tale!

Soon it was time to head to lunch and we all piled into my car and headed for St. Paul and The Nook!

Once inside, it was clear that there would be a wait for a table. The host informed me it would be a half-hour wait unless we cared to go down to the lower level where there was open seating. Everyone was agreeable, so we headed downstairs where the first thing we saw was the old school bowling alley!

I thought we might give the old school bowling a shot, but it just didn’t pan out. I definitely want to try it another time!

Just beyond the bowling alley was the bar and an area full of tables. There was an open spot for four and a friendly waitress quickly passed out menus. Brad, Agg and I all decided to try the famous Juicy Nookie. Heather opted for a Philly cheese steak style burger. We didn’t have to wait for long before our food was delivered, along with a warning from the waitress that the Juicy Nookies were extremely hot and that we should use caution before partaking.

I figured I could munch on my onion rings for a while and let the burger cool a bit. The onion rings were delicious – crispy and greasy as all good onion rings should be with thick rings of onion inside the delicious batter. After a few rings, I wanted to try that famous burger, so I threw caution to the wind and took a nice big bite. It was delicious, stuffed with cheese which exploded out the backside of the burger when I bit into it. MORE NAPKINS!

The conversation remained lively as we all enjoyed our burgers and more stories were shared about Agg’s various travels, his time in Germany, and experiences on the Autobahn! As we talked, we all noticed the ceiling of the bar. It was covered in dollar bills that had each been signed or personalized in some way before being stuck to the ceiling.

Agg asked the waitress the significance of the bills. I thought I’d heard her say there was another bar where people stuck money to the ceiling, but there was a bit of a challenge to it. She said someone decided to start doing it at The Nook. The ceiling is low and easy for most people to reach, and so the trend caught on quickly. (For the record, our little group left without parting with any dollar bills.)

Before we left the restaurant, I asked Agg if we could have our picture taken together. I reminded him that when he’d met Rock Chef, they’d failed to take a picture together and I wasn’t going to let him get away with that this time. He easily agreed!

After lunch, it was back to the house where Agg got to meet a few more family members, Mark and Jake. He also chose this time to bring in a few gifts. Lucy loved hers and refused to let Dacotah play with them at ALL!

Lucy is shown here with the rope toy Agg brought for her. Rope toys manage to survive quite well around here. The little stuffed duck with the squeaker inside? Didn’t last 20 minutes before the squeaker was dead and stuffing was being removed. I had to take it away!

Soon it was time for Agg to head back to the airport. I walked him out to his car and we talked about how fun it would be to meet with some of our other blog pals one day. I’m sure Agg will do so sooner than me, considering how well-traveled he is!

Thanks for the visit, Agg! We had a great time!

Summer Days

We are right in the heart of summer and I’m loving it!

My friend, Kendra invited me to her house last weekend. Her neighborhood is built around a 25-acre lake and she asked if I wanted to come worship the sun with her. (I did.) Mark had gone back to work after having several weekends off. The kids were off doing their own thing. It was perfect timing and turned out to be an absolutely perfect, sun-shiny and hot summer day!

Lake Anne

The lake was so quiet and clear! As we floated out on our rafts, I could look into the water and watch schools of little Bass and Sunfish swimming by. One of them tried to eat my leg, but it didn’t hurt. It just surprised me!  Kendra and I talked and laughed and reminisced together for hours! Kendra has a fabulous summer tan going on, but my skin hasn’t seen much sun yet. I brought my sunscreen and applied it several times, but apparently not often enough for the amount of time I spent in and on the water. I spent the next three days suffering the sting of a decent sunburn but now have a decent tan to show for it.

At home in the back yard, the bird feeders are a busy hang-out for the local creatures. We’re having trouble keeping them filled! The squirrels aren’t helping matters. The little Red Squirrel isn’t making any friends either.

Red Squirrel

… chasing a Grey Squirrel …

… establishing dominance!

And even with weather as beautiful as we’ve had, there is still bowling! Summer league is almost done and it’s been a big challenge. I did well last night though.

TURKEY!

The game in the picture above ended with a score of 194 for me! My other games were in the 150s and 170s. I’m always happy to bowl just for the fun of it, but it’s always nice to score well too!

Motor Boatin’

Heather, Brad and Me

I had a house full of “kids” this weekend. I love a house full of kids! It had been about two months since Brad’s last visit, so it was high time he came home for a while. He, Heather and Dacotah Dog arrived Thursday night and I was SO happy. Lucy was happy too. She thinks that Brad and Heather belong to her and she takes full possession of their attention every chance she gets. And she was ecstatic to have another dog to play with for a few days. Good thing Brad is a dog lover. When he’s home, he gets to sleep sandwiched between two dogs.

It was a great weekend. Saturday brought sunshine and blue skies and plenty of heat. And as luck would have it, our good friends, Bill and Tammy invited us out for a day on their boat on the St. Croix River. We packed a cooler and put on our suits and sunscreen. Bill took us up the river, north of Stillwater where there was less boat traffic. The day was calm and the scenery so peaceful and after we’d gone quite a ways, he turned off the engine and just drifted back downriver slowly. Brad and Bill took turns climbing on to the roof of the boat and jumping in the water. Afterwards, the rest of us took turns floating behind the boat, lounging in the sun and talking about everything and anything.

Mark and Captain Bill

Sara and Brad

Scenery

It was a perfect day and it felt so good to just kick back and relax with family and friends. We were home by mid-afternoon and the girls and I did some shopping. I scored the deal of the day – sixteen place settings of Rachel Ray dinnerware for 75% off! (Thank you, Gordman’s!) When I brought all the boxes of dinner plates, salad plates, cereal bowls and coffee mugs in, Mark looked at me and said, “What did you do? How much did all this cost?”

“Under seventy bucks,” I said.

“No way,” he said!

“Way!” I said.

Needless to say, he was proud of my bargain hunting skills and I was happy to have finally found a new set of stoneware for our kitchen.

Everyone was sleepy by late afternoon after all of that sun and water and shopping. We lounged in the living room watching movies and napping and then squeezed in a visit to Grandma and Grandpa before having a late dinner of grilled fish and steaks, grilled asparagus, and a colorful garden salad. Dinner was topped off with blonde brownies, fresh from the oven, courtesy of Kacey. Yum!

Sunday came too soon. Brad and Heather left before noon, planning to make a stop at Heather’s parents’ house before going back to Fargo. It always feels too quiet after they’re gone. It’s happy chaos when the house is full and I find I don’t mind the mess and clutter so much. I made them promise to try to come back at least once more before the summer is over. Just a few more months until Brad graduates and then hopefully they’ll be moving closer to home again!

Such Good News

Yesterday I was at the hospital hugging my friend while she cried. I was at a loss as to what to say or do for her. Her son, Joe laid in a hospital bed. disoriented and not himself due to the head trauma he suffered last weekend. He was able to maintain consciousness for only small bits of time throughout the course of a day. During many of those waking moments Joe was angry and displayed aggression at being confined to a hospital bed.

Our poor friends could only sit and wait. The hospital staff advised that while Joe was resting they not touch him or talk to him. They were not to stimulate him in any way. I can’t even imagine the fear, anger, frustration and sadness of having to sit back and simply wait, not knowing whether my child will recover, not even able to convey love through a touch.

Today? Today came news that Joe had a great night. He slept well overnight and was able to get up and use the bathroom. When my friends arrived at the hospital this morning to see their son, he was speaking clearly with a nurse and answering her questions clearly. When the nurse asked Joe if there was anything she could get him, he responded, “A hundred dollars.”

The nurse asked him why and he told her, “Because I’m poor!”

What a miraculous improvement! I can’t even begin to describe how much joy this brings me!

This Ugly and Beautiful World

I remember one particular day long ago. I was sitting on the love seat in our living room with my firstborn baby in my arms. It was the first time I was left alone with him and I suddenly became overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. I looked at the perfect little person in my arms and cried. All I could think was that I had brought him into an imperfect, ugly world. I was responsible for bringing him into a place that would scare him and hurt him, a place that would make him doubt himself and feel sad. The fog of those painful emotions burned off quickly enough and I chalked it up to a bit of postpartum depression, but sometimes I wonder if I had more clarity at that time than I have most days since.

There’s been a black cloud over my head the past few days. The older I get, the more I tend to sometimes think that I have the world figured out. That is, only until something happens to make me realize I still have very naive expectations of the world. I think most of us venture into our adult lives with a somewhat idealized view of the future. Children come along and we picture them being happy, talented, intelligent and competent. And as for all those other people in our circle of family and friends? I don’t expect that life will be perfect every day for each and every one of them. But I do tend to hope that their pitfalls will be manageable. Jobs may be lost, but new ones found. Illnesses can be treated with surgery or medication and then it’s right back on to the normal path of life. Kids may not follow the dreams their parents envisioned for them, but they will still find some measure of success in life anyway. Death is inevitable, but hopefully it comes after a long and well-lived life, one in which the person was able live most of life’s best experiences.

Doubt crosses my mind when I learn things like a cancer diagnosis in a friend. Or when I hear that a coworker’s child is suffering from depression. It comes when I see deep unhappiness where contentment seems rightfully earned. It’s there when I receive news of a random attack that leaves the son of dear friends laying in a hospital with brain injuries, our friends sick with worry for a child’s future.

What an ugly, ugly world this can be.

I finished taming my corner garden this weekend. It was a good outlet; a good distraction. I sat on the deck last night, on a perfectly beautiful summer evening. The air was comfortable, the sky clear. All around was green grass and colorful flowers and the sounds of summer. I sat under the canopy with the Sunday evening sun just beginning to set and stared out at my little garden trying to reconcile the beauty of this world against the ugliness that surfaces day in and day out.

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I had an appointment this morning, a follow-up to the mammogram I had just over a week ago. I got the call last Friday informing me that they wanted to take a closer look. (“And, oh, by the way, try not to spend the weekend worrying.”) One mammogram, one ultrasound, one view of “the spot” and one explanation of the findings in which “non-cancerous” was the last bit of information revealed, I realized I’d been holding my breath. Afterwards, since Mark and I were already at the hospital, we went to find our friends whose son is just beginning to find his way back to normal. We wanted, if nothing more, to offer hugs and love and to let them know they could call us and ask for anything. Tears were shed. There wasn’t much we could do to lift their burden other than provide a shoulder to lean on.

I left the hospital today with a new perspective. This is an ugly world, just as much as it is a beautiful one. And sometimes my expectations are too high. I worry about a child who maybe hasn’t spread his wings as much as I think one of his age should. And so what? If he’s forty years old and still living with me, so be it. (Not that I really think he’d let that happen.) If my kids don’t grow up to be neurosurgeons or billionaires, so what? I hope that they can find what it is that makes them happy in life, in spite of what the world says should make them happy.

Maybe the ugly part of the world serves to remind me that I have it pretty good. My life is comfortable and without a lot of real difficulties. My family is safe, thriving and here with me. There’s no guarantee that tomorrow these things will still hold true. But for today, that’s a lot for which to be grateful.