We were at the lake

It seemed like my little vacation was never going to start. I was off work as of Wednesday, but because none of the kids could arrange their work schedules to be off any sooner than “early” on Friday, Mark and I decided not to leave until Friday either. There was much that could be accomplished at home in the meantime.

I spent most of Wednesday cleaning my parents’ house while it rained all day long, and then came home to do some cooking. On Thursday Mark and I finished the big “closet purge and reorganization” project, otherwise known as “nearly divorce court.” I had begun this enormous task the previous weekend and it ended leaving Mark and I feeling seriously fed up with each other. But the closets are clean and organized, the Goodwill has been well-stocked with everything we decided we could live without, and Mark and I are on speaking terms again. When Friday finally arrived, I planned to pack my bag for the weekend and make sure my own house was clean. (I hate going away and coming home to a dirty house. It must be cleaned before we go.)

My plans were slightly waylaid by the demise of the dryer on Friday morning. Mark did some investigating and quickly learned that it wasn’t worth the cost of replacing the motor. The dryer was very old and had been repaired many times. It already had more features that no longer functioned than ones that did. So a trip to the appliance store was squeezed in and I quickly picked out a new dryer. My only requirements were that it be large capacity and that the buzzer that signals the end of a dry-cycle could be turned off. (Day sleeper in the house!) I found one for a reasonable price and we were out the door within twenty-minutes with the promise of delivery for the following Tuesday.

Mark, Kacey and Connor headed for the lake not long after our visit to the appliance store. Brad and Heather left Fargo not long afterwards and began their drive to the cabin. I worked on the remaining laundry at home, shuttling loads over to my parents’ house to use their dryer. I finished cleaning, baked cookies and packed my bags. I checked the house over to make sure it was in good shape to be unattended for the weekend, double checked my packing to make sure I had everything I needed, and when Jake still wasn’t home from work, I went to the gas station to fill up the gas tank and get a car wash. Jake finally came home, about an hour and a half later than he had hoped, and he, Lucy and I hit the road just in time for the Friday afternoon rush hour.

The first hour of our drive was frustrating, but then the road opened up and we were really on our way. Jake had insisted on driving, so I got to kick back and relax in the passenger seat, helping navigate now and then. We talked, sang along to our favorite country songs, and enjoyed the scenery while Lucy alternately slept in the back seat or watched the scenery pass by out the windows. We made a stop at McDonald’s for some food and  to let Lucy out to stretch her legs and attend to other business. We finally made it to the cabin by 8:30 Friday night where everyone else was waiting for us.

And I was so exhausted that I was in bed and sleeping by ten o’clock!

We were all up early on Saturday morning, thanks to two dogs who were not only excited to be together, but to be in a place so full of new things to explore. I swear, Lucy and Dakotah were like a couple of toddlers, running from one place to the next and investigating every new taste and smell. And we, their people… we played right into it and catered to the dogs’ every whim. What can I say? They make us laugh and they reward us with complete adoration. How can we help ourselves?

The weather was beautiful and we spent much time sitting down on the new dock. The kids fished for hours and for once, the fish were biting. The dogs were fascinated by the water and the way the waves lapped up to the dock, by the fish that were being pulled from the lake and just happy to hang out with their people. Lucy still can’t be trusted not to run off, so we kept her on a leash whenever we were outside. But on the dock, she could be off leash as she quickly proved she wouldn’t leave it if any one of her people were there.

Dakotah practiced retrieving her “dummy” from the water. Heather would throw it into the lake and Dakotah would launch herself in after it, grasping it in her mouth and returning it to Heather. Lucy was fascinated and she clearly wanted a chance to give this dummy thing a try. Seeing as how she’s had very little exposure to water (except for her pool on the deck,) we took it easy at first. Heather threw the dummy just off the shore and Lucy would jump in and grab it and proudly walk it back to Heather on shore. After several attempts, Mark suggested that Heather challenge Lucy and make her swim for it. So the dummy was thrown a little further this time and Lucy heaved herself into the lake and began to walk out to the dummy. When the water became deeper than Lucy was tall… she went under water!

We all gasped, momentarily panicked, although anyone of us could have hopped in and grabbed her. But just as quickly, Lucy turned around, resurfaced and looked at us as if to say, “Where did the bottom go?”

We all cooed at her and patted her wet head and told her what a brave girl she was. Then Brad suddenly remembered something. “Oh, yeah,” he said! “I forgot that I had to teach Dakotah how to swim her first time! I’ll go put my swim trunks in and show Lucy how it’s done.” Before long, Brad was in the water, with Lucy in his arms. She was none too keen on going back in, but she let Brad hold her up in the water and within seconds, her little paws were paddling and she swam herself back to shore. We all cheered like the bunch of dog-loving doofuses that we are and I swear I saw Lucy smiling from ear to ear!

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When it was too dark to fish on the dock and the mosquitoes threatened to eat us alive, we’d head back to the cabin and watch funny movies that we’ve all seen a million times and we’d say the lines right along with the characters and crack ourselves up all over again. We slept at night on the ancient mattresses with dogs wandering from room to room all night long, unable to decide which people they wanted to snooze with. But we didn’t mind about the mattresses and the dogs, because we were at the lake, where everything slows down and there’s very little that has to be done at any specific time.

In the mornings we ate big breakfasts, like pancakes and eggs and French toast. For dinner, we grilled steaks over charcoal and buttterflied them for steak sandwiches which we ate with Swiss cheese, sautéed mushrooms, onions and steak sauce. Everything tastes better when you’re not watching the clock and you’ve got nowhere else to go and most importantly, you’re sharing a meal with the people you love.

The weekend, of course came to an end much too quickly. The kids wished out loud that the weekend could go just a little bit longer. It just wasn’t long enough. I felt the very same way and proposed that we start planning now for next year. And let’s make it a whole week next time. There was a chorus of agreement as we hugged Brad and Heather goodbye and headed back home.

Vacations are just never quite long enough. Guess that’s why we love them so much.

Recharged

We had a great weekend at the lake. The weather was beautiful! My kids had fun with each other, which is always such a joy to witness. They fished together, watched movies, talked with and teased one another. And there was so much laughter.  We played games and ate meals together and slept as much as we wanted.

The weekend was pure joy for Lucy Pie and Dakotah too!

It was just what I needed – a chance to be with the ones I love, a chance to take a breather from everyday life.

I took about 300 pictures. More coming soon!

 

Wasted

Yesterday was the most beautiful summer-like day. I’ve been waiting for a day like this for what seems like an eternity. It was perfect. Perfect cerulean skies with just a sprinkling of gauzy white clouds that didn’t stand a chance of getting between the sun’s rays and where I am. Perfectly warm … but not too much. The kind of day when the windows could be open, letting a light breeze carry in the scent of cut grass and the chirping of birds.

And I was home for it. By some stroke of luck, the handful of days I’d chosen to spend away from the office happened to land on this perfect day.

Except I didn’t even really notice it. I couldn’t see it until now. And now it’s gone.

See, I have this bad habit of saddling myself with every worry, every irritation, every little hurt until they are all I can see and all I can feel.  I know I should let go but instead I grip all this sh*t tightly and carry it around with me until I’m beyond miserable and so is everyone around me. So some things have gone wrong over the past week. And some things just haven’t gone the way I’d like them to over the past few months. And some days I give in to the temptation to keep heaping every unfair thing onto a pile and hauling it around with me.

Which is what I did yesterday.

I was relieved to go to bed last night and just escape my self-imposed misery. I slept with the window open, the only drawback of which was that I had forgotten how loud the train’s whistle sounds in the dead of night. And normally that’s a sound I take comfort in, except when it brings me back to that place of worry and anger and hurt and then I can’t get back to sleep because I can’t shut off my mind again.

And so there I am at three in the morning wondering what kind of things a person can do around the house that won’t wake up everyone else and make them think you’re a total lunatic for not going back to bed. Turns out there’s not much. But there is the internet. The internet’s a pretty quiet thing and not likely to alert anyone to the fact that I might be just slightly off my rocker. Turns out the internet is a pretty good place to find reminders that all that worry and anger and giving up a gorgeous day to self-pity? … Completely wasted and pointless effort. Turns out that in spite of all the sh*t … even the one thing that I can’t fix … it’s just not that big of a deal, really. I mean it is, but…

I’m going up north sometime today… as soon as a few things can be resolved or I can at least put a band-aid on them. All of our kids will be there and we’ll have a couple of days to be with each other … without the constant drone of alarm clocks and suburb noise and cable t.v. and ringing telephones. We’ll have a dock to sit on and a beautiful lake to look at and really bad beds to sleep in. But that’s beside the point. And with any luck, it won’t rain the whole time we’re there and we’ll probably get to go fishing and we’ll definitely get to enjoy a few meals together, watch some late night movies and just be us for a while before we go back to the real world.

We’re all okay. We’re not sick. We have a place to call home and we have plenty to eat. All the other sh*t will work itself out eventually.

It’s still dark at the moment, so I don’t know if I’ll be graced with another beautiful day like yesterday. But if I am, I won’t forget to appreciate this one.

A Week of Rain

Kacey had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. When asked what she wanted for her gift, she said shoes. She’d had her eye on a particular pair for quite a while. We had to order them online to get the exact style she was looking for. When they were delivered to our front door a few days later, she squealed in delight.

The weather has been full of rain. The new shoes sit in their box on Kacey’s bedroom floor, not yet worn. She says that she has wanted these shoes for so long that she refuses to take a chance on getting them wet and ruining them. She’s sprayed them three times with waterproofer. Still, she’s taking no chances until things start to dry out.

All week long, the skies have been gray. The sun comes out here and there, but mostly its dull skies, thick clouds and rain. The wind blows endlessly, tree branches swaying side to side, back and forth. Pink crab apple tree blossoms past their prime  float away in the wind, dropping like snow onto the pavement. When I open the patio door to let Lucy out in the mornings, the wooden deck and backyard grass are still soaked from the nighttime rains.

Today there was bright sunshine streaming down from a sky that felt heavy. The wind refused to die down. After noon, weather reports warned of heavy storms in nearby areas.  I worried about Lucy at home all alone. Poor dog  is afraid of thunder! But by the time I got home from work, the sun was still shining, the wind was still blowing, and the heavy stoneware vase on the front step was laying on its side, shattered. I salvaged the decorative branches that had filled it and tucked them away in the garage. I scooped up the landscaping rocks that had added weight to the vase and tossed them back into the front garden, then picked up all the broken pieces and dumped them in the trash barrel.

Kacey came home from work as I was wandering the back yard with Lucy, tossing her ball, patting her head, and asking her why she keeps sneaking into the tomato garden. (She offered no reasonable explanation.) I joined Kacey up on the deck and we watched big puffs of clouds clump together and sail across the sky, moved along by the persistent wind. I asked, “Tacos for dinner?” She said, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

I chopped onions and tomato at the kitchen counter while the ground beef defrosted in the microwave. Kacey sat at the table and chatted with me while I got the fixings ready. The kitchen radio was tuned in to the Country station and we sang along. Baby you’re a song… You make me wanna roll my windows down … and cruise…  We got a little loud and too late, remembered we had slid the patio door open to let in some fresh air. I wondered if the neighbors had heard us from where they sat out on their deck. They probably think we’re weird. Oh well.

I heard about Kacey’s work adventures while I fried the meat at the stove. Lucy scratched the screen door to go out and then remembering she missed her people, scratched it again to come in. Kacey absently reached for the door and accommodated Lucy each time. Darn dog is wearing holes in that screen.

I was putting the taco seasoning into the ground beef when there came a frantic plea from the dog to be let back in. Kacey slid the door open once more and said, “Hey, it’s raining out!” But the sun was still shining brilliantly. Lucy doesn’t like to be rained on, but Kace and I stepped outside to marvel at the sunshower that was happening in our neighborhood. It was a quick, little shower and by the time we sat down to our taco dinner, the sky had turned threatening.

The heavy rain came then, splattering off the canvas canopy on the deck and forcing us to crank shut the living room windows. Lucy warily watched the drops pelting off the deck. The rain was keeping her away from her playground and she wasn’t happy. It was over though, by the time we cleaned up dinner. There were still some interesting looking clouds up in the sky, but the worst of it was over. I realized then how green all the yards are. The grass is lush, the trees are full. And there was a hint of a rainbow to the east.

The weekend is here. There’s more rain in the forecast for Saturday, but Sunday holds the promise of sunshine. Finally, maybe, a nice day to enjoy being outside and celebrating spring! And maybe Kacey can finally wear her new shoes!

My Boy is Happy

And that is an incredible feeling.  Even Kacey and Connor remarked on  the change in Jake.

For years, I just assumed that he was just the kid who fell into that place in the family; the one who is habitually sullen and introverted. I’ve always felt that I understood him. I was that kid. He never was much of a talker. Never was all that affectionate. I’ve worried about him through all of his school years and ever since he graduated high school. He seemed to be going through the motions of life, doing what he was supposed to do but getting little fulfillment from it all. When I’d confide my worries, friends or family would assure me that he’d find his way. I figured he would, but constantly worried about when. 

Suddenly, he’s a different person and I can only assume it’s the new job.

Jake seems to have found a good fit in his new job. He talks to us about the work and the guys with whom he works. He speaks about the details of  the job and I find myself impressed with the way he projects the intelligence he possesses. Maybe he just never found a good way to express it before. A fluke summer job that just happened to land in his lap has brought about all this positive change. He has been given the opportunity to work with his hands. He spends time on construction sites and he’s learning a valuable skill. He gets to live in the daytime world again and sleep at night. It’s like he’s waking up inside!

It’s a lot of little things lately that make me realize how much he’s suddenly discovering and accepting himself. He talks with me. Actual conversations have taken the place of the grunts and shortest answers possible. He laughs. He smiles. He volunteered to accompany to my parents’ house the other night when I was asked to come hook up the new Direct TV receiver to the new television. It promised to be a challenging endeavor, not just because I don’t have Direct TV and am not familiar with the equipment, but because my dad was sure to have lots of opinions. And he did. And he wanted to express all of them to me while I was trying to listen to the directions of a customer service rep on the phone. Jake helped me in any way he could. And when he couldn’t, he sat upstairs with his Nanna and talked her ear off. She loves that.

It’s the way he diffused my anger the other day as I was ranting about something. It was one of those times that I just wanted to vent. He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, “Mom! You’re so angry! I think someone needs a hug!”

My son was using humor to help me deal with my emotions! He never would have invested the time or energy before. Now he was wrapping me up in the tightest bear hug you can imagine and refusing to let go until I was laughing!

Kacey came home from school yesterday for the summer. Family dinner was in order. Jake said, “Mom, I think I should grill the brats. It’s time I learned how to be a grill-master.”

And he did. Mark, Connor, Kacey and I relaxed on the deck in the warm late afternoon sun while Jake manned the grill and chatted with us.

Who is this kid? I feel like a weight has been lifted. I can’t imagine what it feels like for him.

I worried a little bit that it took a job to bring him such confidence and happiness. But I’ve realized it’s not a bad thing. I personally place a lot of my own worth in what I do for a living and doing it well. He’s had a taste of what it feels like to put himself out there and succeed. He’s opened himself up a little bit. He believes in himself more than he ever has before. The world lies ahead of him and I can see now that the prospect is much less intimidating to him than ever before. My son is maturing and finding himself and that makes my heart just overflow with pride!

A Weekend with the Family

One nice thing about the kids growing up is that they’ve realized they actually like each other. Kacey had plans to come home from school on Friday for the weekend. The school year will be done in only one more week, but Connor had a job interview on Friday and they both decided to use the trip home to move as much stuff out of their dorms as possible before the semester is officially over. Before they came home, Kacey texted me to make sure this was the same weekend that Brad and Heather were coming home for a visit. I confirmed that it was. I like that it is important to her that her visits are timed to coincide with Brad’s.  There were a lot of years when I wondered if my kids would ever get along.

I took the day off from work on Friday. I wanted to get the house cleaned up, do the grocery shopping, and have a nice dinner waiting on all the kids when they arrived home. I thought I might sleep in a little bit on Friday morning but no such luck. My body has apparently developed an internal clock that awakens me early even when I don’t have to be up.

Oh well. Figured I might as well get started on the day’s chores as long as I was up. And the weather made it easy for me to be stuck inside being all domestic and such. And the day was not without excitement. The new street light was installed across the street in Neighbor Bob’s yard. Now Mark can stop leaving our house lights on all night long in an attempt to compensate for the lack of municipal lighting that resulted from the demise of the previous street light. (Boy, the things you miss being stuck in an office all day!)

By late afternoon, the house was clean and the kitchen was well-stocked with food that would appeal to hungry young people. I had a big batch of chicken chow mein cooking when they all arrived home right around dinner time. And except for Jake, who fell asleep after work due to still making the adjustment from night owl to early bird, we all enjoyed a nice meal together at the kitchen table.

Later on, we decided to watch a movie together in the living room. Long before it was over, Brad, Heather and I had fallen asleep and only woke up long enough to go to bed for the night. We all start our days before the sun rises. There comes a point in the evening where, if I’ve stopped moving, I’m probably falling asleep. Apparently the same holds true for Brad and Heather. Mark had a good laugh at our expense. Easy for him to laugh! He doesn’t get up early unless absolutely necessary!

The weather changed over from snow to freezing rain on Friday and then to just regular old rain, gray skies and a chill on Saturday. I made pancakes for breakfast and tried mine Heather’s way – with peanut butter and maple syrup. They were delicious! The weather made us people feel lazy, but not the dogs. Lucy and Dacotah raced and chased and played tug-o-war in the back yard with the doggie frisbee until they were completely wiped out.

On Saturday night, Mark and I had our bowling banquet for our Saturday league. The kids were probably getting sick of hanging out with us old people anyway, so it was good that we got away for a while. And considering that I felt like my game had really suffered in the second half of the season, I was surprised to learn that I’d earned some awards! I was recognized for achieving:

• a 225 game
• a 500 series
• 75 pins over average
• the league high women’s average of 153
• the women’s high game of 247

All in all, it was a fun night and we enjoyed good food and good company. Most of our bowling friends were going to continue celebrating after the banquet ended, but we called it an early night so we could get back home to spend more time with the kids. They had a little celebration of their own while we were gone. They’d found some good steaks in our freezer and cooked them on the grill. They added some baked potatoes and veggies and enjoyed a nice dinner themselves.

Sunday morning was lazy. Brad, Heather and I were up early (as usual.) The dogs know which people to wake up when it’s time to start their day. We sat in the living room watching t.v., sipping coffee and showering the dogs with attention. Before long, it was noon and time for Brad and Heather to head back to Fargo. We said our goodbyes just as the sun was coming out of hiding and the air was beginning to warm.

Kacey would be home a while longer. She helped us clean up the gardens in the back yard and install some fencing around them to keep Lucy out – because she refuses to believe that the gardens are not a part of her domain! It had warmed up so much since Friday’s snow that we were out in t-shirts and Kacey and I had bare feet! Our next door neighbors were outside too, enjoying the sun and doing some gardening in their own yard. Their new family member, Gracie was outside and Lucy was anxious to get to know her. Gracie was a little shy though.

While we got our gardens all neat and tidy, Lucy chased up and down the fence trying to get Gracie’s attention. Gracie began to warm up and I’m sure they’ll be great friends soon enough!

We had an early dinner and Kacey’s ride came to pick her up. We hugged goodbye and the house got quiet again. Brad and Heather plan to visit again in a month. Kacey will be home for the summer by the end of the week. Lucy was sad to see them go, but I think the break will do her good. Clearly she wore herself out!

 

My parents are getting old and it scares me

The phone calls are starting to feel too familiar. At least this time it didn’t come in the middle of the night. I was just starting to settle down to read for a while before bedtime rolled around on Tuesday night when the phone rang.

It was my dad, asking what I was doing. It was late enough in the evening that I knew it wasn’t just a casual call.

“What do you need, Dad?”

He hemmed and hawed, saying something about Mom not feeling so great but that she had a doctor’s appointment in the morning. I was aware that my mom had picked up a respiratory bug recently and knew it was not good for her already ailing lungs. It seems that Mom was now coughing so much that she couldn’t catch her breath and it was making her feel panicky. Dad said he had made a call to their clinic’s after-hours service and then he just seemed to fumble with what to say or ask next.

“Do we need to take Mom to the ER,” I aked? In hindsight, I shouldn’t have asked but rather insisted.

“Well, I kind of think so,” Dad said. “But Mom isn’t sure she wants to go.”

Dad wanted to wait to hear back from the on-call doctor. I had little faith that a doctor who doesn’t know my mom’s immense medical history would be in the least bit helpful. I told Dad to give it half an hour. If the doctor didn’t call by then, we should go to the emergency room.

Turns out the doctor did call and of course, she knew nothing of my mom’s conditions. The doctor’s recommendation was that Mom try breathing steam. I knew this would do nothing to ease her symptoms and I was frustrated with myself for even agreeing to wait for that call. Mom’s got pulmonary fibrosis caused by Scleroderma and she’s been told she is an extreme and severe case. She is so frail, it makes me sad.

I told Dad we needed to go to the ER. Again, he said Mom wasn’t sure she wanted to go. I tried to keep my frustration in check. It’s a good thing Dad couldn’t see me rolling my eyes.

“Dad, does Mom think she can get through the night until she can see the doctor in the morning?”

I heard him relay the question to Mom and then he returned to the phone to tell me she didn’t think so. I took charge then and told Dad that I would be over to the house in fifteen minutes. He and Mom should be ready to get in the car and we were going to the ER.

The emergency room has become too familiar. I know just where to park and where to check in a patient. I know there will be a visit with the triage nurse before a room will be assigned. I know to bring a book along because we’ll often end up sitting in that room in the ER for hours, explaining symptoms and medical history to multiple nurses, technicians and doctors. There’s usually a shift change and it all has to be explained again to more doctors and nurses. I’ve learned to bring a book to pass the time.

Mom was given a nebulizer treatment and a steroid to help ease her cough and open up her lungs. She had an EKG and a chest x-ray. Her doctors this time around were wonderful… very compassionate. The medical staff seemed to understand more about her condition than I remember in the past. Her condition used to seem a bit foreign to most medical professionals who were unfamiliar with Mom’s history. This time they seemed more knowledgeable. I couldn’t help but notice the looks of pity as Mom explained how long she’d been dealing with her disease and how extreme it had become.

As I listened to my mom talk to her caregivers, I made note of many red flags in the things she told them. She knows water is important to her well-being but doesn’t drink much of it because it makes her have to use the bathroom. Using the bathroom means going up and down stairs. Going up and down the half-flight of stairs to the bathroom is enough to exhaust her and make her feel sick, so she doesn’t drink water.

If she could just sit still for any length of time, she said she might not be so wiped out all the time, but  she can’t sit around for hours each day and still try to maintain her household.She doesn’t sleep well at night because Dad is diabetic and she needs to be on alert for changes in his well-being. Dad can no longer drive, so she is responsible for taking him to his appointments, to his church activities and on errands.

More than once I heard Mom insinuate, or say outright that she was becoming a burden to her kids. I insisted she wasn’t, but it became more and more clear that staying in their house is simply more than my parents can handle. Their multi-level home has become too much for them. To be honest, I’ve thought so for a long time. A couple of years ago, they found a single-level town home less than a mile from me that would have been perfect. Then Dad suddenly decided he didn’t want to give up the house. I know it’s scary for him to think about leaving the place that’s been home for over twenty-years. I can’t make it easier for him. And so they remain where they are.

How do people do this? How do the children trade roles with the parents without damaging relationships and diminishing self-esteem? It’s so clear to me that my parents can’t manage things on their own. We, their kids, try to do what we can. We cook. We clean house and do laundry. We mow lawn and shovel snow. We take Dad to appointments when Mom is too weak to leave the house. We take Mom to appointments when she is too sick to take herself. We pick up groceries and necessities and call to check on them. We rearrange work schedules and take time off when necessary. But it’s a challenge at times. We all work full time. Some of us have young families and hectic schedules. One brother has the added burden of having gone back to school.

Dad made a doctor appointment for himself yesterday. Mom was still in the hospital and no one was sure when she’d be released. I’m pretty sure Dad scheduled the appointment before checking with anyone to see when someone might be able to take him. Sometimes he calls and needs someone to come “right now.” The doctor appointment worked out in the end, but not before three of us kids scrambled to figure out who could make room in their schedules to make the 4:15 appointment.

I’m not complaining. I want to help, but we have to figure out how to do this better. I live the closest and my kids are grown. My sister works from home and has the benefit of a flexible work schedule. We are called upon most often to help. And we are happy to do so, but it is often a challenge. Something needs to change, but the thought of our parents aging, the thought of their diminishing health is scary. I’ve tried to organize a family discussion but it dissolved into a major rift between the siblings. We don’t all share the same level of worry. Some think that others are overreacting about the severity of the situation. We don’t always each understand one another’s viewpoints and it causes such discord at times.

Mom was released from the hospital yesterday and for now, things have settled down. My sister will go over today to take care of things. I’ll take a turn tomorrow, maybe cook some meals to put in the freezer so they don’t have to worry about cooking.

This stage of life is icky and scary. I have constant feelings of worry and constant feelings of guilt over not doing enough. I am often the one who takes Mom to the emergency room and this time, I heard such worry in her words. I sense that she doesn’t want to ask someone else to make decisions, but that if her kids stepped in and took charge, she might be relieved. At the very least, my parents need some in-home assistance. Soon – they need to get out of that house with all of the stairs and the big yard with the steep hill. I’m not sure all of my siblings would agree, but I was in that room in the ER with my mom. She is scared. She needs relief.

At least I know we’re not alone in this situation. I talk to so many of my friends of the same age. They are experiencing similar things with their parents. Mark’s family is battling the same problems. His dad’s health is going downhill quickly.

God, life is hard sometimes.

Jake Cooks

I spent the weekend away from home, bowling in the Women’s State Tournament with a couple of girls from my Monday team and a few others from my Saturday league. Some of us got hotel rooms and spent the night. We bowled the team event on Saturday and then wandered into the bar where a d.j. was playing fun dancing music. We talked and laughed and danced until midnight. On Sunday, we bowled the doubles and individuals events. I bowled respectably, but more important, I had a great time.

But… the homebody part of me was anxious to get home when the last event was done. I missed Mark and Jake and the dogs and was ready to get back to my own bed. Mark called me from work just as we were finishing up the individuals event and asked when I’d be home. I told him I was getting ready to leave and after dropping Joan off at her house, I’d be home around 5:30.

“Good,” he said. “Jake will have dinner ready for you when you get there.”

I was momentarily speechless. “What? Jake made dinner?”

“Yep. I told him to get the corned beef out of the freezer and then I sent him to the grocery store for the fixings.”

“Jake went to the grocery store?” I was incredulous.

“Yep. And I talked him through cooking the meat.”

“Over the phone?”

“Yep.

“Ohhhh-kayyyyy,” I said. “Umm. Thanks?”

Jake cooked dinner. This would prove to be interesting because Jake doesn’t cook. I mean, unless you count melting cheese on a tortilla or heating pizza rolls in the microwave as cooking.

“Don’t you think having him cook corned beef as his first attempt at cooking is a little ambitious,” I asked Mark?

“I talked him through it. It’ll be fine, I’m sure.”

“Okay,” I said in a most unconvinced tone. But I figured no matter how bad it was, I would eat it and I would be thankful because I wanted Jake to know I believed in his ability to cook.

When I arrived home, Jake was in the kitchen. He had the bread and sauerkraut on the counter.

“The Swiss cheese and Thousand Island are in the fridge,” Jake told me. “And I sure hope I did this right because trying to cook something by listening to Dad’s instructions over the phone is not the easiest thing in the world! He kept calling and telling me things he forgot to tell me!”

I peeked at the pot of meat and told Jake it looked right to me.

“You got the seasonings in there. Looks good,” I said. (The seasonings came prepackaged along with the cut of meat when we bought it.)

“Well, I didn’t know if those seasonings would cut it,” Jake said. “So I added some of my own.”

“You did? What did you add?” I was trying not to look skeptical.

“Some garlic salt and some red pepper flakes.”

“Red Pepper! Hmmm. Okay,” I said.

“Is that bad?”

“No! I’m sure it will be good,” I encouraged, trying to hide my worry.

Mark had told me he’d had a talk with Jake a few days ago about being more mature and responsible. He told Jake that if he was going to  continue living at home, at twenty-one years-old, (almost twenty-two,) he could pick up some bigger responsibilities around the house, like cooking. Honestly, I’d never thought to ask Jake to do any cooking. He’s never expressed any interest and quite frankly, I wasn’t willing to take the risk. But Mark decided to put him to the test.

Working in the kitchen with Jake to finish up the meal preparations, I realized we were having the most in-depth conversation we’d had in a long, long time. He kept expressing doubt that the food would be good and I kept telling him it looked great and I was looking forward to eating it. When the meat was done, I sliced a few pieces and tasted it. It was good! Jake must not have gone too heavy on the red pepper. I couldn’t taste it at all!

I passed Jake a slice of the meat and said, “Here, try it! You did good!”

“It’s kind of dry,” he said doubtfully.

“No it’s not, it’s just the way it should be.”

Not Jake’s sandwiches but a close representation!

We made up our sandwiches, Jake insisting that he didn’t want sauerkraut on his, and we sat together at the table to eat. Jake’s first home cooked meal was delicious and I very much enjoyed having dinner with my “quiet” child, just the two of us.

When Mark came home, he made a couple of sandwiches and agreed. The food was great!

When it was time to clean up the kitchen, Jake asked, “Do I get to play the ‘I cooked, you clean’ card, like you and Dad do?”

“Sure do,” I said. “You cooked. I’ll clean up.”

“Well, I sure hope you guys don’t think I should be cooking all the time now.”

“You blew it, buddy,” I laughed. “If you didn’t want to be asked to cook again, you shouldn’t have done such a good job!”

“Great,” he deadpanned, trying to look disappointed. But I’m sure I saw the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile that he was trying to hide from me.

He’ll be cooking again!

Feels Like Spring Break

Lucy is so happy to have Kacey home, she even puts up with being forced to wear sun glasses!

It’s break time for the college kids and Kacey is home for the coming week. I’m happy. I like having her home and not just because she bakes goodies and thinks to empty the dishwasher when it’s full. She brings sunshine into the house. She is so immersed in her life right now, growing, learning, exploring her world and learning who she is. And she talks to me about it. I never grow tired of hearing her stories. A whole Saturday morning can pass by before I know it because we are so busy talking.

I know I’m a lucky mom to have a daughter who is willing to be so close with me. And with the boys being so grown up; one living on his own in another state, and another who still lives at home but is rarely around, Kacey’s visits home from school feel like a breath of fresh air.

With Kacey home, we’ve had lots of visitors. Connor, of course, is here a lot. And their friends come by to hang out often. They’re good kids. Polite, energetic, and all with a good sense of humor. They’re fun to have around. Even Jake stuck around the house for a while yesterday to enjoy the little “party” that was going on in our living room.

The weekend was a busy one and it seemed to fly by. So I’m glad that Connor suggested we go bowling this afternoon. Mark and I agreed to take him and Kacey to the bowling alley. When we first arrived, the lanes were all full but the attendant at the desk assured us it wouldn’t be long before some of the guests would be finished and there would be lanes available for us. We decided to wait in the bar and ordered burgers for our dinner. As the four of us sat around a small table enjoying our food, I thought what lucky parents we are that our daughter’s boyfriend asks us to hang out with them! Connor and Kacey sat and talked with us about school, their friends, plans for next year and living off campus. They talked so much that we had to wait for Kacey to finish her meal before we could go bowl. She laughed and joked, “Sorry. I talk too much!”

We had a great time bowling. Connor has really figured out the game and threw more strikes than the rest of us combined. Mark has begun to take his game a bit too seriously and kept getting mad at himself for not throwing perfectly every frame. But Kacey, Connor and I kept cheering one another on, and began to make a silly noise - WOOP! WOOP! WOOP! - every time someone bowled a strike or picked up a spare. I’m sure Mark consider it embarrassing, but we didn’t care. After all, we were in the bowling alley. Very little is considered strange in the bowling alley. And if you’re not having fun… well, you’ll just end up getting mad at yourself for not bowling like a pro! We bowled three games before calling it a night and heading home. It was fun and a great way to end the weekend.

Every time Kacey is home from school, I find myself wondering how long before she stops coming home so often. I wonder, as she continues to become the adult version of herself, how many more times I’ll enjoy the luxury of a lazy Saturday morning with her, eating big, hot breakfasts at the table and talking so easily about everything and anything. How long before she won’t be willing or able to spend a Sunday afternoon running errands and shopping with me? While I hope and pray for her to have the life of her own that she dreams of, I don’t want it to come too soon. So I treasure these times while they’re still here.

Mom and Dad’s Homecoming

The sun is shining down this morning from a beautiful, clear blue sky. On winter days like this, I can see straight through the bare branches of the maple tree in the front yard to my parents house on the next block. There are no signs of life over there yet, but it’s cold outside in spite of the sun. On warmer days, the garage door might be open and Dad might be seen puttering around on his workbench while Little Bear sits in the driveway, surveying his neighborhood.

Their flight home from Arizona arrived late Wednesday afternoon. My sister and I had prepared the house for their return. The heat was turned up and hot water turned on again. We dusted, vacuumed and scrubbed so the house would be fresh and clean for their arrival. My sister bought groceries as well as Dad’s favorite beer. She shoveled a winter’s worth of snow from the deck so that Little Bear could walk across it. Mark and Jake had been clearing snow from the driveway and sidewalk all winter long so it wouldn’t look so much like no one was home. They sprinkled Ice Melt over the driveway to rid it of any icy patches.

I found out yesterday that Mom is under the weather already, knocked down by another one of her intestinal episodes. It could be blamed on the drastic change in climate. Dad said it was in the seventies and eighties when they left Arizona. But more likely, this illness was brought on by the stress of flying back home from Arizona. There were so many details to attend to with selling their place and making the final move back home to Minnesota, not to mention traveling with a husband and a neurotic little dog who are both demanding of her attention and care. When I came home from work yesterday, Mark had just gotten off the phone with Dad and informed me we needed to go pick up a prescription for him. I knew something was up if my mom had chosen not to make the quick drive to the pharmacy and allowed my dad to ask someone else to go.

When we stopped in to drop off Dad’s meds, mom was curled up on the couch in her pajamas and robe. She looked tired and weak. I felt awful, but this is the kind of thing that makes me glad they’re back home again. They had good neighbors in Arizona. My aunt’s winter home isn’t far away from where their’s was. But I’m not sure how much, if ever, my mom would feel comfortable asking for help when it was really needed. With my dad unable to drive any longer, Mom is responsible for accompanying him everywhere he needs to go. Here at home, her kids and grandkids are close by and able to help and I’m sure Mom is  much less reluctant to ask.

We didn’t stay long at my parents’ house, thanks to me having a head cold. I explained this to them, hoping they wouldn’t be offended that we weren’t staying longer. As I was closing the door, my dad said, “We’ll see you tomorrow!”

I shot a questioning look at Mark. “Are we supposed to be here tomorrow for some reason?”

“Nothing that I know of,” he said.

I just shrugged. When Mom and Dad are home and with them being so close to us, it’s not uncommon that someone in my family ends up stopping by several times a week for one reason or another. That’s probably all Dad meant.

At the grocery store last night, I spotted two bags of Milky Way Caramel fun-size candy bars. They’re my dad’s latest favorite. Just like my grandparents always did, Mom and Dad have a candy dish they keep stocked at all times. Their grandkids (and their kids) love it! Dad had the Milky Ways on the grocery list that my sister shopped from, but she couldn’t find them. She checked three stores to no avail. So when I saw them last night, I grabbed both bags thinking how pleased Dad would be that he would get his favorite candies after all. I guess he was right. He will see me today!