He must have a mutated gene

My parents are preparing to make their annual migration to Arizona. Those lucky retirees get to escape Minnesota before Old Man Winter settles in for the next few months. They make their departure on Tuesday. ¬†Dang, I’m going to miss them.

My sister, Cory decided that a going-away party was in order. And so we all gathered at her home last night for the celebration. There was a LOT of food. Too much food. I pigged out on Cory’s homemade guacamole before we even ate dinner! The food was simple but good. Food always tastes better when shared with the people you love, doesn’t it?

My family can be kind of… strange… at times. Really, it’s my brothers, Jim and Craig who are weird. Certainly not Cory or me. (Don’t worry, Cory. You’re dead-on imitation of the Mick Jagger chicken dance, complete with chicken lips isn’t considered weird at all! You just keep stickin’ that butt out and strutting! And everybody LOVES my Chubby imitation!) But it’s this weirdness that can and often does make our family gatherings fun.

During the party, the little kids mainly hung out in the lower level of the house where there were toys and a television. The adults stayed in the upper level, holding polite conversation and/or trying to see who could do the best imitation of Go Go Gophers and Tennessee Tuxedo while Mom rolled her eyes and shook her head with an ever-so-slight hint of a smile on her face.

Product Image Schylling Voice Changer ToyWe were knee-deep in politically incorrect cartoon impressions and reminiscing about the time when we were young and were supposed to be getting ready for church when Mom yelled at Jim and Craig because Craig, dared by Jim, was running around his bedroom naked and wearing nothing but a football helmet.

Suddenly, the youngest of the kids, Josh appeared with what appeared to be a child-sized megaphone. Holding it to his mouth and pointing it dangerously close to Craig’s ear, he spoke into it, but the sound that came out the other end was a far cry from Josh’s voice. He sounded like a miniature Darth Vader. The toy was a voice changer!

Soon, a second voice-changer was produced and for the next hour, we took turns trying to produce the creepiest of voices. The main entertainment was provided by Jim and Craig as they sung old Billy Squier and Queen songs into the voice-changers.  Little Hannah later came and confiscated one of the toys from her dad, Craig and before we knew it, she and Jim were arguing with one another through the voice changers.

But the *highlight of the evening came when Craig felt a bit of flatulence coming on. (Which happens quite frequently. Where there is Craig, there is flatulence.) Everything suddenly seemed to be moving in slow motion as I caught sight of Craig, sitting on the couch, voice changer in hand… my mouth had forgotten how to form words and I couldn’t find my voice to protest as he lifted his butt-cheek and his hand guided the voice changer to… to… you know… yes… there…

All other conversation came to a screeching halt as the sound of the Darth Vader fart filled the room. A collective groan was heard as I fought back the urge to vomit. No one wanted to play with the voice changer anymore, even after an attempt to sanitize it with Clorox wipes. Mom must have been SO proud.

Please… tell me you have weird family stories too!

*”highlight” is to be taken with a grain of salt.