Sometimes I am so easily amused I scare myself. I could be one of those idiot-savants… you know; highly capable of being highly capable one minute, and totally, intelligently-challenged the next.
For instance, yesterday, Mark and I were shopping at Target for his two neices whose joint birthday party was being held yesterday afternoon. We were shopping approximately one hour prior to the party. (Because why would we actually purchase gifts any sooner? Now that would be just too easy, wouldn’t it?) So it’s T minus 60 minutes and we’re frantically trying to find appropriate and fun gifts for a 4-year old and an 11-year old. Mark, of course is wandering around by the projectile toys and trying to talk me into a disc-shooter for the 4-year old, which I patiently explained was 1) Too BOYISH for a little girl and 2) something that as a parent, I personally would stash away on a high shelf in the closet the minute my kid’s head was turned. So, No. No projectile toys for the little girls. I sent him off to return it to it’s original place and proceeded to wander the toy aisles trying to figure out what might be something not already in these girls’ possession and not likely to irritate the parents. As I strolled through a girly aisle filled with dolls and doll accessories, I heard the most adorable cooing and baby talking and turned to see where this darling and vocal baby was when I realized I had just wandered past an array of motion-sensored baby dolls. There were about eight little baby dolls all cooing and giggling and talking in the most adorably realistic baby voices. I was FASCINATED and proceeded to wave my hand in front of the dolls repeatedly, watching their little heads turn and feet kick while they continued babbling. I HAD to share this awesome discovery so I set off to find my husband and when I found him contemplating a set of Incredible Hulk hands that looked like boxing gloves, I simply said, “Don’t even think about it. Come here. I need to show you something.”
Mark followed me back to the baby doll aisle, but I didn’t tell him what we were looking for and as we approached the row of baby dolls, I pretended as if I were looking beyond them while he followed close on my heels. Soon all the babies were cooing and giggling again and I turned with a big smile and laughed, asking, “Aren’t these great? Check it out! They’re motion-sensored!” Luckily, he’s often as juvenile as I am and soon was giving a repeat performance of my antics in front of the row of dolls, only this time, there were a couple of customers in the aisle, glancing at us with amusement. I’m sure they were shaking their heads at us in wonder as we wandered away, having decided that both girls very likely had their fair share of dolls. Moon Sand ended up being the gift of choice for the 4-year old (because toys that get mashed and stuck in your carpeting aren’t annoying…. noooooo…) and cash-in-a-card for the 11-year old because spending money at any age provides great entertainment.
Endless Source of Amusement Version 2 began as the boys were watching NASCAR yesterday. I was alternating between reading and doing laundry and I was aware of the race but not really paying attention, except for occasionally catching some of the dialogue from the announcers. Juan Pablo Montoya’s name was mentioned and that’s all it took. My mind immediately produced some dialogue from the movie “Princess Bride” and before I knew it, Mandy Patinken was sword fighting in my head, constantly announcing, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Since then, I have felt the need to stop in the middle of whatever I might be doing to hesitate, staring one of the kids in the eye with a very serious look on my face and warn them, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” (And if you have not seen this movie, it is a MUST see. Stop what you are doing RIGHT NOW and sit down to watch. You won’t be sorry. It’s one of those kid-friendly movies that is so filled with humor that can be appreciated by adults that you will want to watch it again and again. Or maybe that’s just me. But you’ll like it. Trust me. Also, the character, Westly, aka the Dread Pirate Roberts? Hot. Very Hot.)
I haven’t actually watched “Princess Bride” in years, so the fact that I can remember that particular piece of dialogue started me wondering if I have some kind of wierd defect in my brain that makes it nearly impossible to remember I have a chiropractor appointment, but won’t let me forget random phrases from children’s movies. More likely, it’s the fact that my kids got hooked on certain movies and we watched them over and over again. I remember the day I brought home “The Sandlot” on VHS from Blockbuster, thinking my little boys might enjoy it. OMG did they enjoy it! I ended up buying our own copy, which was eventually worn out and I had to buy a second copy.
There are so many great quotes from that movie and if you ever have the chance to get Jake and me started, you’ll probably be sorry….
“He’s stealin’ home! He’s stealin’ home! I don’t believe it! He’s stealin’ home! The Jet stole home! The Jet stole home!”
“You’re killin’ me, Smalls!”
“The Sultan of Swat, The King of Crash, The Colossus of Clout, The Great Bam-BEE-no! ”
“For-EV-ERRR! For-EV-ERRR! For-EV-ERR!”
“Hey, Smalls, you want a s’more? Some more of what? No, do you want a s’more? I haven’t had anything yet, so how can I have some more of nothing? You’re killin’ me Smalls!”
“Watch it, jerk! Shut up, idiot! Moron! Scab eater! Butt sniffer! Puss licker! ….You play ball like a girrrlllll! Tomorrow. Noon. Our field. Be there buffalo butt breath! Count on it, pee-drinking crap face!”
And yes, I always had my children’s intellectual stimulation at heart. Why do you ask?
Now, if this is a movie that’s managed to escape your attention, you absolutely MUST see it if for no other reason than to witness the barf-o-rama that occurs on the amusement park ride after the boys have each had a good pinch of chewing tobacco for the first time in their lives.
Speaking of the barf-o-rama… you really have to see “Stand By Me” to see a true, quality barf-o-rama. (Warning – not suitable for anyone with a weak stomach!)
Ohhhh-kay, then. I think it’s time for me to find something educational and intellectual to get my brain back on track. Or maybe I could just fire up the old VCR….