Just Another New Year's Eve Post

Tonight we say goodbye to 2009.

I know I’m getting old because I find myself thinking things like, “I can’t believe the year is over already! Where did the time go?”

I don’t feel old though. At least not physically. And my maturity level certainly hasn’t caught up with my years either. Last night I was in Kohl’s, posing in gangster hats while my son took pictures on his cell phone. Mark was perfecting his grumpy old man persona.

I think it’s just on the emotional level that I feel kind of old.

No… Scratch that… It’s not even that I feel emotionally old. I just feel like I’m constantly lost, trying to figure out exactly where I should be and what I should be doing. I still feel like I’m constantly questioning whether or not I’m on the right path. Is that normal for someone who has reached forty-three years of age? I don’t know. I feel like I should be more certain, more confident about my lot in life.

I don’t know. Maybe some of us never get past the need to question “what if”? “What if I had… finished college, been a stronger parent, pursued my goals more seriously?”

I wish I were the kind of person who could just take each day and accept it for what it is instead of constantly second guessing myself. I wish I were more confident in my decisions and direction. Life sure would be easier. But maybe this constant questioning is my catalyst for improvement.

I was going to accomplish so much in 2009. And yet here we are on the doorstep of 2010 and so many goals have once again gone unattained. I was thinking yesterday that it was about this time a few years ago that I started blogging. When I went to check the old blog, sure enough, there it was. My first blog post ever was written on December 30, 2006. As I read through that first post, I realized that as much as some things have changed since that day, so much also stays the same.

In reading through the many blogs I read this week, a common theme was, of course, New Year’s resolutions. Now I will tell anyone who will listen that I don’t make resolutions. In my experience, making New Year’s resolutions is simply a recipe for failure. But then I read a post about resolutions that really struck a chord with me. Bud’s Blog always has something thought-provoking to read, but his post, Resolutions? Me? really hit home for me. I began to think that not making resolutions was really the easy way out. Sure, if I don’t set goals, I can’t fail. But at the end of a year’s time, have I achieved anything at all? Probably not. I wonder if the lack of certainty and confidence I feel in myself has more to do with becoming complacent and failing to give myself something for which to strive. I thought back to one accomplishment that felt really good to me – becoming a runner. I resolved myself to do it. I put it in writing, on my blog, for all to see. Knowing I had told others about my goal was a strong motivator toward refusing to let myself fail.

2010 is almost here. And I don’t want to reach the end of another year, only to look back and say that nothing much has changed. So… I am making some New Year’s resolutions and I am posting them here. And hopefully, in a year’s time, I can look back and say that I pushed myself, that I learned something new, that I grew and that I loved better. So…

2010 is another chance to wipe the slate clean and do it better. I will strive to:

  • Improve my spirituality, whether that means going to church more regularly or just setting aside time to pray and reflect
  • Get my writing books back out and try to get serious about writing
  • Make lists to stay organized
  • Go to the gym at least three times a week
  • Work at my photography
  • And (I’m stealing this one from Bud) stay in contact with friends and family members more regularly, especially by sending fewer emails and making it a point to talk on the phone or visit in person.

2010? I’m ready! Bring it on.

And to all of you who stop by here from time to time, thank you. Your friendship means more to me than you know. May 2010 be filled with love, happiness and many, many good things! Happy New Year!

24 thoughts on “Just Another New Year's Eve Post

  1. I felt sad reading your post because you are so incredibly hard on yourself!

    If you don’t have goals then yes, you may aimlessly meander around, but if you focus too much on your goals or to-accomplish list, then you’ll miss all the incredible moments you’ve shared with us on your blog!

    Try to find a happy medium, but when the pedulum swings too much in the non-goal arena, cherish those times!!

    You’re on the correct path, and it’s about to widen up with opportunities for you!!! Your kids are growing up and needing you a bit less so there’s going to be more time for your personal goals, even if you go towards them kicking and screaming (‘cuz of the kids needing you a bit less).

    Things happen when they’re supposed to and trying to force them sooner is an exercise in frustration and futility. If you were supposed to accomplish your goals sooner than now, then you would have.

    But now…wow I can’t wait to read about the exciting ride you’re going to take in 2010!!!!

    Happy New Year to you and your family!!! :-)


  2. Please don’t be to hard on yourself with your what ifs… don’t worry about them. Do you like you said and strive to do certain things in 2010…. BTW – I am glad for one that I found your blog in 2009. It is nice reading your thoughts Terri.
    Happy New Year!


  3. The what-ifs don’t really matter. They never happened… so who cares? You have what’s in front of you right now, and it’s up to you to make the most of it. Lists of resolutions aren’t for everyone; everyone has their own way of motivating themselves. From reading your blog over the past year or two, it seems to me that you are doing just fine for yourself. :) I’m definitely with you on the gym thing, though. I really do need to work harder to stay in shape.

    I hope you and your family have an awesome 2010!


  4. Ah, 43. Give it another 10 years and you’ll realise how being kind to yourself has moved up the scale of importance. Knowing what I do of you from this blog, if you set yourself a task, you’ll do it. All I’d say is, don’t be hard on yourself if it doesn’t happen *this* year – life is all about happily bending and adapting to the circumstances we find ourselves in.
    Take care sweet Terri, and a Happy New Year to you and your family. x


  5. A bit “too much reflection” happens once in a while. (pssst…. some may call it a “midlife crisis”!) Not that I have any experience with these feelings *COUGH*HACK*

    Actually, though, I think it’s good to wonder about the what-ifs and convert them to what-can-be’s.

    *doing my crystal ball lady voice* I sense a good year ahead for you, Gangster Terri!


  6. Can I just say “ditto” to your entire post? I guess that would be taking the easy way out right? It has been great getting to read your blog and getting to “know” you in 2009! Happy 2010 and all that it brings!


  7. I’m not a big resolution person either. I say, if you know you need to improve on something, you shouldn’t be waiting until NYE to figure it out and start working on it!

    With that said, I think you’ll be happier if you’re more specific about two of your goals. How will you know if you succeeded regarding “try to get serious about writing”?? Same thing with “work at my photography”. Specificity is key. How will you measure success. Put those measurements into your goals and you’ll be much happier and probably more successful.

    Happy New Year’s!!!


  8. Unlike some of your other commenters, I don’t think you’re being hard on yourself at all by taking stock of your life. Speaking from the ripe age of 65, I’ll tell you that I wish I’d been more introspective sooner. There’s a big difference between “being hard on yourself” and “having goals” … the former brings you down and the latter lifts you up. Nice resolutions, too. Some of yours are on my “list of twenty-seven” that I mentioined in my post.

    Happy New Year !!!


  9. You’re a spring chicken. If you really want to know the answer to the what ifs, finish the degree, be a stronger parent starting today and set some goals that require a miracle. You’ve got a whole life time left to live. God’s not finished with you yet.


  10. You seem to have done an excellent job of taking care of your family, which is what matters. As for the rest of your concerns, they’re valid. All I can tell you is that I worry about the same issues at 57, and I think most of the people I know do.


  11. > person who could just take each day and accept > it for what it is

    Make that the New year’s resolution you don’t normally make.

    As they said in the commercial: “Try it, you’ll like it.”

    When I was younger, I was very much the “planner” until I realized there are so many things you cannot plan for or anticipate when you plan.

    I do believe I can ‘roll” with whatever comes my way, so I’m not a worrier. Susie is a worrier.

    I wonder where these personality traits come from? Nurture? Experience? Maybe some of both. But I do believe we can change our attitude, no matter how ingrained it may seem.

    Happy New Year!

    We will have 5 straight days of temps in the high 20’s this week. I’m in Florida! Not Minnesota!


  12. What can I offer you in the way of advice today? Hell’s bells -I’m 65 years old now and STILL don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up -instead of growing outwardly, if you know what I mean there!
    I wanted more for myself, for my kids, and I did try to do that, over the years -or at least I thought I did. Mistakes were made, certainly. I still wish some things could be changed but they can’t so I’ve finally come to accept a few things for what they are today and let it go at that.
    You’ve done a lot so far, done well doing it too, I think. But each of us has only those same 24 hours in each day to do things that we think we’d like to accomplish so with any resolutions you have made now, just make sure you have been realistic with yourself as to time available and have not over-extended yourself in that department. Other than that, I think your goals as stated here for the coming year are darned good ones -but also are ones you’ve had all along but just didn’t really voice them as such. And if I ever figure things out as to what I want to be, to do with my life, I’ll let you know but in the mean time, just have a very Happy New Year!


  13. I don’t think much of special resolutions myself. Why should we wait until a particular time of year.

    Tell Mark the grumpy ole man gig is actually pretty good when you get to that point.

    I know that you are on a great pathway so keep it up girl.


  14. “I’m constantly questioning whether or not I’m on the right path. Is that normal for someone who has reached forty-three years of age?”

    Yes. I think that its normal. I feel the same way too.

    Im happy to hear that you decided to go ahead and make resolutions this year [read=set goals]. I think you have a recipe for SUCCESS in 2010.



  15. I’m 24 and I second guess myself and wonder if I should have done things differently. I feel like I should be at a different point in my life, with a better, more fulfilling career. Another part of me wants to move back closer to my friends so that I can see them more often and hang out like we used to. I’ve always been one of those people who tells others “stop talking about it; just do it!” and I need to follow my own advice. I don’t want to move, but I do want a better career.

    I told Mike he needs to get his side business going so I can be a stay at home mom and run his business from home :)

    Happy 2010! I hope you accomplish your goals. I love reading your writings and looking at all your photos.


  16. Pingback: YAWN! « Terri Terri Quite Contrary

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