80-Year-Old Sex

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning. I kept telling myself to get up and go to the gym, but then I would argue with myself, insisting I should get up, call the sick line at work and go back to bed for the day. In the end, I decided I wasn’t going to let Brenda get to me so badly that I’d waste a PTO day for her, so I did go to work, just not to the gym. And it was a better day. I tried my best not to deal with Brenda at all, but it soon became clear she had absolutely no idea she’d done something to offend me. It’s really hard to hang onto your hatred for a person when they truly don’t grasp the fact that they are insane. Now I just feel sorry for her and her extra-large butt.

On a happier note, my parents came back home today. After dinner, Kacey and I walked over to their house to welcome them home. One of my brothers, my sister and most of their kids were already there, so we had ourselves a miniature family reunion. We adults all sat around the table while multiple conversations filled the room and the kids ran up and down the stairs and around the house. The best story was the one my parents told about my 80-year-old Aunt Arlys, who also spends her winters in Arizona.

“Arlys has a boyfriend,” my mom announced.

(Arlys has been married twice and has buried two husbands, so this was some interesting news.)

“Is it the guy she went to dinner with,” Cori asked?

“Is it the one she went with to the concert in the park but they didn’t dance because they don’t like rock music,” I asked? (See? I listen when my mom talks.)

“Yes,” my mom said.

“So he’s her boyfriend now? I thought she told you she wasn’t going to get serious with him,” I said.

“Well, they’re serious now,” my mom said.

“They held hands during the entire drive to the airport,” my dad informed us, as if this were a scandalous notion. (Gasp!)

There were too many people talking at once, so I missed some of what was being said about Arlys and her “boy” friend, but next thing I knew, my dad was adding his very opinionated opinion.

“I don’t think anyone is saying no in that affair,” he said!

I nearly spit my beer out as my sister and I doubled over in laughter at the image that statement created in our minds. My dad, suddenly realizing what we were thinking, tried desperately to explain:

“No… I didn’t mean… I wasn’t talking about… sex…,” he trailed off.

“She said they didn’t do that,” my mom added.

My sister and I were out of control with laughter and my mom knows there’s no turning back once we’ve gone down this road. I’m pretty sure she was rolling her eyes at us by then. Eventually, we did regain some semblance of composure.

There are just some things you don’t want to hear your parents talk about, no matter how old you are. The sex life (or lack thereof) of a couple of 80-year-olds is one of them!

It’ good to have Mom and Dad home again, and I’m looking forward to more family gatherings because, clearly, the conversations are never dull.

19 thoughts on “80-Year-Old Sex

  1. I’m sorry, but when I read the tag line (80 year old sex) and your first sentance, I about fell out of my chair. I can see how you and your sister were busting a stitch over your dad’s observation. Definitely never a dull conversation around your table…


  2. Ah, sounds like a great time. My mother spends part of every year in Brussels and came home last week from 2 months in Belgium. My siblings, spouses, off spring and such are gathering at my mom’s on Sunday. Hopefully there will be no talk of sex!


  3. I had the same reaction as Agg79! Funny!

    “Now I just feel sorry for her and her extra-large butt.” This had me laughing too – you clearly don’t feel THAT sorry for her!

    Are you really expected to believe that those 2 aren’t at it like newly-weds? The best of luck to them, I say!


  4. My grandfather was still sexually active into his 80’s. Hearing about your parents sex life or lack thereof is something that sounds creepy. We all know they did because we wouldn’t be here if they hadn’t but they need to keep that to themselves.


  5. Great post. I for one hope to still be “active” in my 80s just so I can wink about it in front of our boys. HA HA HA. They’ll DIE from the sheer horror of it :)

    Poor Brenda and her rather large butt. Hee hee



  6. I would have lost it too. Still, it’s encouraging to hear of ‘puppy love’ between two octogenarians.

    I still don’t feel sorry for clueless Brenda or her big butt…. HA!


  7. I’ve been sitting here reading this post and the comments and I laughed -out loud -at your comments first about your co-worker, then about your Aunt and her boyfriend and finally, I have chuckled heartily over almost everyone of the comments left here by others too! Thanks for the grins and giggles with this post as it gives me a great end to my day today!


  8. Okay, like agg79, I read the title and then the first paragraph thinking you were going “THERE”!

    Don’t laugh! You’ll (hopefully) be 80 someday!


  9. Muri and I saw a play last night called “Southern Comforts” which I’ll probably post about. It was a romance between a widowed man and woman that was hysterical and beautiful. Some of the funniest stuff was about “older sex.” It was absolutely the best senior date-play we’ve ever seen. Tell your parents to keep an eye open for it.

    It will all look so different in a few years, young lady :) . You’d probably love “Southern Comforts” too.


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